Monica's Mom Musing

Image courtesy of Huffington Post. Left: new Merida Right: Original Merida

Last summer Disney had another blockbuster hit called Brave.  One of several movies last year showing confident girls with bows and arrows doing their thing.  Between Brave and The Hunger Games it really piqued my daughter’s interest in archery.  Sort of a lost art which I am amazed at her ability in this area because I was awful at it in school.

Merida wasn’t the most glamorous of characters.  She wasn’t meant to be.  That was really part of her charm.  She was the tomboy of princesses.  She didn’t want to be your typical princess.  That was the whole story line.  She fought her mother on the teachings of being a proper princess.

But Disney apparently decided for her to fit the princess look Merida needed a new look.  My husband drew my attention to it over the weekend actually.  I didn’t think too much of it until I saw the image myself.  And I don’t like it, but not for the reason that most parents dislike it.

I don’t view her as the “feminist” of heroines.  And really to me all of these characters are just that, characters.  I don’t put too much stock in how a cartoon character looks or even behaves.  I have three daughters and they sure love their princesses.  Well, my youngest hasn’t seemed to find a favorite just yet.  My oldest loved Snow White, my middle is a Tinkerbell fanatic.  I don’t really look at any of these characters as life teachers for my kids.  My job as their parent is to make sure they understand the difference between reality and fiction.  And cartoons don’t really get much more fiction.  I mean come on now, who has ever seen a talking mouse.

So I don’t make too much out of Disney movies.  Sure there is a lesson to be learned in the story, but that lesson isn’t found in the drawn lines in the cartoon characters, it’s found in the story plot and the words that are said.

My issue with the makeover of Merida is it just makes her lose all meaning to the movie now.  I mean sure you can be beautiful and still be strong.  I mean come on people, you don’t have to be homely looking to be intelligent and strong.  There are plenty of amazingly drop dead gorgeous women out there who are very intelligent and strong.  So I certainly don’t think we should be giving the look of feminism a certain one size fits all look.  I mean that’s really kind of silly when you think about it, right?  We want equality, but beautiful women can’t be equal in the brains department to more plain women?  Seems like that’s creating more stereotypes for women.

However, at the same time if we’re looking at cartoon characters to give our daughter’s a sense of womanhood and what it means to be a woman, then I think we’re seriously failing them.  Merida’s change of appearance is unfortunate in that it just doesn’t fit her character’s personality not because of what it’s teaching our daughters.  If we’re relying on Disney movies to teach our daughters how to be a woman and what feminism is, then we have more problems than stereotypes and the idea that women have to be beautiful to be heard.  Or to be a princess you have to look a certain way.

It’s plain and simple.  Merida’s makeover is disappointing because it simply does not portray that tomboy headstrong look and attitude that is Merida.  It’s not because now our daughters don’t have a good strong feminist look to emulate out of a cartoon character.  It’s a cartoon.  It’s not like it’s possible to achieve the look of a cartoon character.

If we want to teach our young daughters to be equal, then we should lead by example.  We should learn to value ourselves and treat everyone around us as equals, including men.  Because we are our children’s first and most important teacher, not media and not Disney movies.

I’m all for media showing our girls what real women look like.  We know Barbie’s body imagine is unattainable and the average pant size of women in America is I believe 12.  So it’s nice that our daughters are understanding that women come in all shapes and sizes and we should be celebrated, but this is still our number one job as their parents to to teach them these things and instill the confidence to find beauty in their own skin.

I come from a generation where Jessica Rabbit was the unattainable body image of cartoons.  I knew she was ridiculously exaggerated and women don’t look like that; can’t look like that.  If I’m going to spend any time worrying about how women are portrayed it’s just not going to be through cartoons, plain and simple.  Because if I’m doing my job as a parent correctly, then my children know that cartoons are not real and my 5 year old won’t be putting any dynamite in bird seed to catch a bird.  And my daughters aren’t going to look at a fairy princess and think she has to look just like her.

But Disney, on the off chance you are reading this I do implore you to change back the look of Merida.  Not because I think she’s a feminist icon to teach our children what headstrong women look like, but because you had it right the first time.  Her original image suited her  character much better.

What do you think about the makeover of Merida from Brave?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I hope everyone had a very happy Mother’s Day yesterday.  I sure did.  I’m at a very interesting stage in motherhood I think.  I still have little ones, but I also have older ones who can pitch in and do more to surprise me on their own.  Then I still get the cute little homemade cards, but I also get store bought gifts.

I surprisingly managed to sleep in until almost 10 in the morning.  Don’t ask me how or why that happened because well sleeping until 9 is usually like heaven these days.  And that really only happens after I had a rough night with a sick kid or something and my husband decides to let me sleep in, so it’s not really like extra sleep, just grabbing the sleep I missed out on the night before.

When I got up I had breakfast made for me by my teenager.  Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and an English muffin with a glass of chocolate milk.  Then I got the gifts.  Some coloring pages from all the kids, including my 2 year old.  A card my son made in school and a cute tea cup cut out with a poem written on it and a tea bag inside.  My middle daughter gave me a plant she planted at school and my oldest gave me a frog wind chime.  Which I actually had to laugh about because I had seen this Peace Frogs wind chime that I was going to share on my oldest daughter’s FB wall as a suggestion for a Mother’s Day present.  Ultimately I decided not to because it was more than I wanted her spending on me anyways.  She didn’t get me the Peace Frogs one, but the one she got was cute and I actually like it better.  I just thought it was funny that she knew me well enough to know I would like that despite the fact that I have no wind chimes.

My husband had to work so he left, but was home in time to cook me dinner.  Manicotti.  He also got me flowers and a card.

I played outside with the kids and just really got to enjoy them without having to worry about getting other stuff done.  I just let all of the other stuff go and didn’t let it bother me.

It is different than Mother’s Days past.  In the beginning I had this vision of sort of a day off from parenting.  Silly and naive, I know.  Mother’s Day isn’t about getting a day off.  Because there are no days off when you’re a mother.  No matter how old your kids get you will always worry about them and you will always love them and you will always parent them.  Mother’s Day is a celebration of motherhood.  And it’s for us all.

While it’s nice to have a few of the things you do as a mom taken off your plate for the day, that’s not what it’s all about.  While it’s nice for the people in your life to acknowledge the things you do to make their life a little easier that’s not what it’s about either.  It’s not even about the gifts or the handmade cards.  It’s about the joys that motherhood brings and about embracing those joys.  That was the best gift of all.  Getting to enjoy my children and celebrate our family.

But the not having to cook or wash dishes and all of those homemade gifts and even the wind chime are just extra special bonuses and physical reminders of just how much my kids love me and how well they know me.  That’s pretty darn special.

How was your Mother’s Day?

With it being Mother’s Day and all I have been giving a lot of thought to my own mother.  She is a huge part of the stories which are written on my heart and she truly made me who I am today.  That’s what a mother is supposed to do, right?

But I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that our relationship has been strained over the years.  It is definitely not the relationship I want with my mother or I have chosen and it breaks my heart that we can’t find our way past this.

Because in spite of everything every day as I mother my own four children I am reminded of my mother.  I do hear her voice coming out of my mouth.  Sometimes I wonder, how would my mom have handled this situation if it were me?

My mom is the one who taught me how to advocate for my children’s education.  She was always there and she was fair.  She didn’t take me just at my word, but she also didn’t believe everything about me my teachers told her.  And because she was that fine example of an educationally minded parent I have been able to provide that same advocacy for my children and have found the courage to make the tough decisions because of what she taught me.

My mom, even while working full time, managed to cook delicious home cooked meals almost every night.  While also providing delicious home made treats as well.  I have been able to provide that for my children and bring them to the table with meals that they enjoy.

As my children get older and I begin to do more of the things that I remember doing with my mom (those special mother daughter times) I look back and remember those times I’ve had with my mother.  I think some day my daughters will be doing this with their daughters and I hope remembering our moments together bring a smile to their face while they are making memories with their own kids like it does mine.

Even though things are strained between me and my mom right now that doesn’t change the fact that she is a huge part of me every single day of my life.  I hope things improve sooner rather than later so we can continue to write our story, but in spite of everything I know how truly blessed I am to have had a mother who made me me and the mother that I am.  I couldn’t have done it without you mom!  I love you!