Are Our Children’s Life Events Our Own?

From the moment each of my children were born they took this piece of my heart with them walking around outside of me.  Every single event that has happened in their lives, while I feel I am a huge part of, I also feel is their own.  Their days of birth were not about me, but about them.  Their life outside of me began in that moment and those days were all about them.  And from that moment on while I celebrate the good times with them and cry in the bad times each moment is theirs and theirs alone.  But are there people out there who make their child’s moments about them?

I Have Seen It A Million Times

A baby is born and the mother focuses on what happened to her.  Not on her child.  Not on this perfect little baby that she just gave life to, but on what went wrong in her perfect birth.  And then she spends the rest of her days looking for ways to fix that.  Instead of relishing in the health of her child she’s looking to get even with whoever she felt wronged her.

I know some women can be really traumatized by birth, but there comes a point in time when we have to look at the big picture.

What about as our children grow older and they start experiencing things?  Preschool, Kindergarten Orientations, graduations, school concerts, school dances, sporting events, etc.  If something goes wrong should we be hearing about how the parent’s experience was ruined in this?  Especially if it had no affect on the child what so ever.  Your child’s first t-ball game and there’s the parent who coaches from the side line and then there’s the parent complaining about how that parent ruined her experience of the day.  Did your child have a good time?  Did he do his best and play his hardest?  Why aren’t we more focused on those moments?

Your child’s Kindergarten Orientation is to get your child acquainted with a new school and the teachers.  Sure it’s also for parents to ask questions and learn about school policies.  And you know what, there are probably going to be a parent or two there that you can’t stand.  They ask too many questions.  They want to hurry things along.  Whatever the situation is; it’s just not about you though.  They aren’t ruining YOUR experience, unless you are letting them that is.

What An Angry Life

I just couldn’t imagine living life always disappointed in everything that happens in my children’s lives.  When my son had his Kindergarten Orientation I was anxious to hear how he liked the classroom and if he was making friends with the other children.  I didn’t notice any annoying parents.  Sure, there were new parents who asked questions I already had the answers to because this wasn’t my first rodeo, but who cares.  I was happy that my son went off to a classroom without looking back for me or crying.  I was happy to hear about the good time my son had and how he was looking forward to starting Kindergarten.  The informational part for me was boring, but it wasn’t about me.

There’s One In Every Bunch

Maybe it’s because I have been through this before.  I have become immune to the obnoxious parents.  Maybe I have learned how to avoid them or tune them out.  Or maybe in the grand scheme of things what someone else does just has little affect on me.  Short of a parent grabbing my child and yelling at him for no reason during an event for my child I just don’t let these things bother me.

If my son had come out of his Kindergarten Orientation and said some boy punched him, then I would be upset.  Then the event would have been ruined for me because it was ruined for my son.  Everything is about my children’s experiences.  Let me say that again EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MY CHILDREN’S EXPERIENCES.  If my child isn’t happy, then I am not happy.  But if I’m inconvenienced or annoyed by someone and my child is happy and excited, then I would say the event was a success.

The Moral Of This Story

Parents, let’s look at the big picture.  First of all, once we have children everything for the children is about the children.  We can’t let other people ruin things for our children, or for us for that matter.  No one should have that much control over the memories of our children’s life events.  And we can’t control what other people do or how they are going to act, but we can control how we react to something.  So for me when it’s my child’s event the only thing that ruins it for me is an upset child.   And that’s simply because I don’t want to see my child upset and have a bad memory of an important day in his life.

How do you react to your children’s life events?

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