You’re Good Enough

coffee break with Monica's Mom Musings

Well, I did it again. I missed another day of blogging in my promise to blog every weekday in November. It has been such a whirlwind of a week here and I’ve been so overly consumed by something I wish I didn’t have to be consumed by. And I’m feeling like a failure in multiple areas. And then this morning, before most of the kids got up, and after one of them left for the school bus I was just skimming through Facebook and found something that brought me to tears, but not in a bad way. In an I so needed that kind of way after this week. A week where I literally have cleaned the bear minimum in my home. The laundry is overflowing. I’m trying to crank out work and be the kind of mom my kids deserve and yet I’ve been failing at it miserably because I have been snapping at them and haven’t cooked a decent meal for them and have been completely on edge.

And I know I’m not the only mom feeling inadequate.  When I saw this vlog from Mom vlogger Kristina Kuzmic it brought me to tears. Because the fact of the matter is we’re all good enough moms. We need a little truth bomb like this and because I think Kristina is so spot on and I believe that we all need to have this reassurance as moms from time to time I wanted to share this with you all and in the process bring back a little coffee break with Monica’s Mom Musings while in the process. So enjoy your quick listen to Kristina and give her a little mom love while you’re at it because I personally think she’s awesome and figured this is the perfect way to even get out of this funk I’ve been in this week in writing about the whole DUI saga I’ve been consumed with all week long.  Check her out over on Little Things. Come back and let me know what you thought of her truth bomb. I hope it helps even in a small way feel better about who you are as a mother, like it did for me.

Life Is Too Short

coffee break with Monica's Mom Musings

You know how everyone’s always saying life is too short?  Well, this becomes increasingly obvious when you’re a parent I think.  And wouldn’t it be great if we spend our time with our children when their young making funny and messy memories rather than worrying about cleaning up?  Of course that’s what childhood is all about.  Now, I’m not talking to the extent of health hazards or anything here, but why not put off some of these things to another day.

Yesterday when it was my daughter’s birthday I was getting increasingly frustrated with things not going just so.  I was feeling swamped and concerned with making things just right for her while also having to take care of other things around the house.  Nothing was going right it seemed, so we got out.  We left the house for a couple of hours and took the kids bowling.  We didn’t tell them and when we got there my daughter (the birthday girl) was dancing singing, “We’re going bowling, we’re going bowling!”  And they had a blast.  Sure that stuff was all still waiting for me when we got back home, but things were back in perspective for me.  My daughter didn’t care that the clothes were washed or the dishes were done.  She was happy to have macaroni and cheese for dinner, bowling for entertainment, and her monkey cake for her cake.  That’s what she’ll remember about the day, not that I got all of the laundry and dishes washed.

So how fitting that I came across this blog post from Dugans Incahoots about her house being a mess.  No, I didn’t have guests coming over, but I sure do appreciate a guest who doesn’t turn up her nose to my mess that I don’t have to rush all over cleaning and making things spotless for.  If you can’t appreciate that kids live here and that toys are going to be strewn across the floor during the day, then come back and visit in about 20 years because then I’ll have a spotless house, but what I won’t have are the giggles of little children anymore.  So go read the post on Dugans Incahoots because it says it perfectly.

Lets Give Our Sons What They Need

coffee break with Monica's Mom Musings

We hear so much about what we have to give our daughters so they can grow up to be strong women.  Or how we need to tell them they are beautiful always to build their self esteem.  Sometimes we forget, our sons can be just as influenced and low on self esteem as our daughters can be.  We need to always be working to show each of our children boy and girl how to first love themselves and to receive the love that they deserve.

We often hear that girls will marry a man who’s just like her father, but boys will seek a woman who’s like his mother.  So we need to always strive to give our sons the very best of us always.  One day our children will grow up and leave us, but we will always be with them and I hope it’s the best of us that stays with them in everything they do.

Over at Life As I Know It she has given 17 Things Boys Need From Their Moms and I think they are really excellent reminders.  Go read it and come back and tell me if you think you can or are giving these 17 things to your son.  What else, if anything would you add to that list?

New Carseat Safety Rules

coffee break with Monica's Mom MusingsWere you aware that there are going to be new carseat safety rules in 2014?  Because of the increased regulations where recommendations and/or laws require children to be in carseats longer, coupled with the way newer carseats are being made to accommodate larger children the LATCH system in most if not all cars is not guaranteed beyond 65 pounds total weight (child and carseat combined).

I suppose in the future car manufacturers will create a LATCH system that will hold this additional weight, but it doesn’t appear they are doing that yet and even if they are, how many of us can go right out and buy a new car?  I know I can’t, and my car is a 2002 as it is, so no brand new car in my future.

So the recommendation is to use your car’s seat belt to hold the carseat securely in the car.  For added security we have been a family that always uses both.  Just makes me feel better to have that thing really anchored in there.  You can read more about this new rule on The Bump.

Help Make This Cancer Patient’s Video Go Viral

coffee break with Monica's Mom Musings

I wasn’t going to blog again today, but then I saw something and decided I have to blog this.  I have to get this out there.  This is everything that I have been working on since September in raising awareness.  This is why I shaved my head.  Why I now look like this…

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A local CT girl who was diagnosed with a brain tumor in 2011 has found inspiration in a song and she made a music video at a local hospital which St. Baldrick’s funding does go to help.  It is showing the amazing spirit of these kids fighting for their lives.  The amazing caretakers of doctors and nurses who even when they have to be gowned up and covered head to toe to keep a patient from getting sicker still finds a way to make these kids dance and smile.  This is what everything is for people!  This is what your donations to St. Baldrick’s (which I’m still taking donations for by the way) have been helping with.  And now you can help spread this video far and wide.  Let it go viral for this girl to show the world what childhood Cancer looks like.  How these kids are fighting every single day with their own body to stay alive.  And then remember to make a donation to St. Baldrick’s and be responsible for helping to save one of these kids.

Coffee Break Meets Monica’s Musings

coffee break with Monica's Mom MusingsBefore Monica’s Mom Musings I had a family blog that I would blog on and every once in a while I’d have just a bunch of random things to say.  Not enough to make one blog post about each thing, but enough random stuff that I just wanted to get out.  So when I started this blog I decided to continue doing it only more on mom topics and not quite as personal as on my personal blog.  Makes sense, right?  Well, somewhere along the way I guess I forgot about it.

But today I was thinking about what to write about and I didn’t really have anything big I wanted to delve into.  So light bulb in my head goes off and says hey, whatever happened to Monica’s Musings?  Then I thought about my coffee break.  So I’m turning Monica’s Musings into Coffee Break with Monica’s Mom Musings.

Monica’s Musings

  • Someone recently asked me if I’ve ever had a man steal my thunder.  Worked on something and gave it my all only to have a man come in and take complete credit for it.  I pondered this for a minute and then said no, but you better believe I’ve had women do that to me.  And you can’t say anything because then you’re not a team player.  Face it folks, women can be very cut throat with things.  The only sort of kind of time this happened to me was when I, as the PTA president, had suggested we do an internet safety night for families.  Where kids would learn how to protect themselves on the internet and separately parents would learn about the dangers and the importance of them knowing what their kids are doing on the internet.  Well, the principal (a man) liked the idea, but not quite as I envisioned it and he changed it.  He said we didn’t want to scare the little kids to which I was like ugh, you’re not seeing my vision here, the kids wouldn’t see the scary stuff and you’re going to get more people to come out for a family event anyways.  He went with his way and I made sure everyone knew that was not MY idea.  Although, the PTA did fork over the cash for the childcare for the evening.  We had a whopping 5 families show up, 4 were PTA board member families.
  • Now that I’m a working mom (even though it’s in the home) I have a lot of guilt.  Before I felt guilty that we couldn’t afford certain extras because I wasn’t contributing financially.  Now that I am contributing financially I feel guilt because my head is always stuck in a screen.  And sometimes we can’t do things or we have to rush home because I have work to do for a client.  My children aren’t missing an opportunity to stick it to me when I say we can’t do something because I have work to get done.  It’s all, “Can’t you get a day off?”  Or, “Someone else can do that!”  Oh wouldn’t it be a wonderful world if we didn’t have work and deadlines that had to be met?  If we could do all of the things we wanted when we wanted and didn’t have to worry about pesky things like earning a living get in the way.
  • A friend of mine posted on her Facebook page yesterday that she has been far too nice of a mom for far too long and that has to stop.  I was thinking about it today after a fight with my teenager.  I don’t generally think of myself as a softy when it comes to the kids, but then when I start laying into them about something and they start yelling at me or giving me attitude times twenty I sure do begin to think I have been way too nice to them.  I do give in and get them things that maybe I don’t think they entirely need to have.  So when I’m being told by one of them that I’m completely wrong or that I’m totally screwing them up I sure do think to myself maybe I am too nice for my own good.  I mean my teenager has more electronics than I do.  Most under the guise that it’s important for school, but of course when they are failing classes for not handing in completed work one has to wonder does she really need that laptop or that Kindle?  I mean if she’s not going to get credit for the “work” she’s doing on the darn thing anyways, then what’s the point.  Damn it, I am too nice!  Mom laid down the law today with the electronics too.  Either she shows me she is doing everything she can to turn things around or the electronics go.  She might not see it, but I know, everything counts in high school and she doesn’t want these bad habits coming back to bite her in the butt a few years down the road.
  • The colder it gets outside the more nervous I get about shaving my head in just over a month for St. Baldrick’s.  And since my fundraising isn’t going all that well I am seriously beginning to wonder if I should have added the caveat that if I reach my goal of $5000, then I will shave my head.  I don’t know maybe there aren’t enough people who care to see me go bald, or maybe too many people want me to keep my hair.  I know every little bit helps and I will honestly do this even if I only raise the $40 I have raised thus far, but so much more can be done with $5000 so I’d really like to see it get to that point.  Don’t let my freezing head be for a mere $40.  I have to spend an entire winter bald and do you know I generally hate hats.  The only hat I even had to cover my bald head currently is a baseball hat.  So please help make it worth all my suffering and that of my family’s.
  • Speaking of childhood Cancer, did you go to Chilli’s last night?  We did.  Brought our neighbor with us and had an enjoyable dinner out and colored some peppers.  We added onto our bill where all the proceeds go to St. Jude’s with a little extra donation.  I’m proud to say my two older girls used their own money to make a donation as well.  Sure makes a mom proud to see her kids using their hard earned money to help someone else.  Let me leave you with some peppers we colored at Chili’s last night…

Chili's Collage

What have you been thinking about lately?

One Thing You Shouldn’t Say To Your Daughter

coffee break with Monica's Mom Musings

It’s always difficult to know just what to say to our children.  Especially teenage daughters.  We want to help teach them to be good productive members of society and not squash their spirit.  We know there are wrong things to say like you’re stupid or fat.  These are not confidence building words which create a good self image.  But what about their spiritual and emotional well being?  We need to be mindful of that as well.  Emily from Chatting at the Sky has found one thing your daughter doesn’t need you to say.  If you have daughters you’ll want to read this.

Check back for more coffee breaks where I’ll give you the news you can consume in just 15 minutes.