Breast is best, we all know that.  But for how long do we expect to see the benefits of breastfeeding?  Into toddlerhood, childhood, teen years, adulthood?  It seems that some people think there is just no end to how long we will continue to see benefits from a child who is breastfed, but I have to say I certainly can’t walk into any of my kids classrooms and point to the one who was breastfed and the one who was formula fed.  The kid eating paste very well could have been fed either way.  The young girl who’s more interested in boys than her studies could have been breastfed for all I know.  The child who has skipped two grades and is on track for Harvard, he might have been a formula fed baby for all I know.

My own kids are proving to be my own little case study here at home.  I have breastfed at varying degrees.  From not at all to over a year.  Since my youngest is only 2 I suppose we have many more years to see the long term effects of her breastfeeding into toddlerhood, but you know what?  Even from the very beginning you couldn’t see a huge benefit that was received from breastfeeding.  I mean not anything that would have someone walking up to me on the street when I wasn’t feeding my child and say that’s a breastfed baby isn’t it?  Or that baby has only had formula.

How It Breaks Down In My Family

So here’s how things have gone up until now in our family.  My oldest daughter (14) was born full term, with no complications in pregnancy or delivery.  I did not have any pain medication for her birth.  She came out a good 8 pounds 12 ounces and mad at the world.  A nice healthy set of lungs on her.  And she received not a drop of breastmilk.  At 17 months old she started birth to three for speech and received speech until the middle of her Kindergarten year.  By the time she was in 4th grade she was being tested for the gifted program and accepted.  She was the only one in her class who knew her times tables forwards and backwards.  Now she is in her final year of middle school.  She’s in two advanced classes maintains a B average (but definitely could get straight A’s), tests above grade level in reading and math on standardized tests, and is on the college track.  She will be taking 3 AP classes in high school next year.  Health wise she has been extremely healthy.  Her first major illness that required antibiotics was at 9 months old when she got bronchitis.  She had a bout with ear infections when she was around 5, but since then the only time she sees the doctor is when she goes in for her physical, or we’re there for one of her siblings.  This is the 100% of the time up until a year formula fed child.

Next, is my 11 year old daughter.   My pregnancy with her had some concerns with my blood pressure and an elevated heart rate, but for the most part it was an uneventful pregnancy.  My delivery with her was shockingly easier than that of her sisters.  She was 8 pounds 15 ounces at birth.  We did have a little trouble in the beginning with her with mucous which made her not want to eat much, but I did start out breastfeeding her.  She did pretty good for a day or so, but as soon as my milk came in she didn’t want it and I gave up and we switched to formula.  So she got the colostrum only.  She met milestones in the beginning either early or on time.  She picked up on talking very quickly and hasn’t stopped since.  While I thought she was going to be running by 9 months it took her a little longer to find her land legs, but she was walking by 13 months.  Once she started school that was where the trouble began.  This kid is a whiz with numbers, but reading and writing quickly became a struggle for her.  She is plugging right along in school now and is the hardest working kid you will ever meet.  She aims to please, that’s for sure.  Reading words might be a struggle for her, but reading music does not seem to be.  She has been getting really good at the clarinet.  It might be too soon to tell what the future holds for her.  But I do know her IQ is in the average range which is just where I like it.  On standardized tests she might test below grade level in reading, but above grade level in math.  Health wise she has been okay.  She does have asthma.  It’s exercise induced and can be made worse by some of her allergies (we need to get away from the pine).  Other than that her childhood illnesses have been pretty typical and minor.  So this was the colostrum only child of mine, the rest of the time it was formula.

Then there is my 5 year old son.  My pregnancy was not without its issues.  Again the blood pressure, but then also gestational diabetes.  He had to be born via c-section because he was breech with the cord wrapped around his neck twice.  I did not labor with him at all, it was a scheduled c-section.  He was 7 pounds 12 ounces at birth.  When he came out we put him to breast as soon as we were in the recovery room.  He was having some trouble regulating his temperature so he had to be left under the warming lights.  His sugar levels were a bit of a concern as well.  We breastfed though.  Then he was jaundice and needed to be left under the bilirubin lights.  He was only allowed out every hour for about 15 minutes or so if I recall correctly.  I would breastfeed him, but he also needed to have formula to help him poop out all of the added bilirubin.  Once he was discharged he was only getting breastmilk.  It was not easy.  He quickly began falling off the growth curve.  By the time he was 3 months old he ended up in the hospital being tested for all sorts of things and finally they decided that he needed to be on a high calorie formula; I just wasn’t producing enough breastmilk.  That lead to the end of our breastfeeding relationship.  It also lead to him being delayed in gross motor and needing physical therapy.  He did not sit up until he was 8 months and walk until he was 15 months.  He has been behind in most things from his classmates since starting school, but that’s likely due to his younger age.  He has had several ear infections over the years and from about October until April he tends to have a permanently runny nose.  That does seem to be improving the older he gets.  He is a smart, creative, fun loving little boy though.  I don’t really know where I see his life going just yet.  He had 3 months of breastmilk and then formula until a year and Pediasure until he was 2.

And last, but certainly not least is my youngest daughter who is 2.  I had all the same problems with her pregnancy that I had with my son only with the added worry of a pregnancy loss before her.  And well, she wasn’t breech.  I didn’t need a c-section for her.  I did have some pain medication during her labor though.  She was not a happy camper when she came out either.  All 7 pounds 9 ounces of her screamed and screamed and screamed until she was put to the breast.  Her sugar got a little low and they gave her a little formula in the beginning there, but that was the only time it was needed.  She was exclusively breastfed for 9 months actually (she wouldn’t eat baby food so she didn’t get anything but breast milk until she could eat table food).  This exclusively breastfed child of mine had an ear infection at 2 weeks old.  She was pretty healthy after that.  I think she has had two more ear infections since that one.  She is in birth to three for speech therapy like her older sister was.  We will see if she continues to receive speech after she turns 3.  Other than that developmentally has been very typical.  She has been just about as healthy as the rest of the kids.  I have no idea what the future holds for her.  She was exclusively breastfed for 9 months and continued with table food until 14 months.

So There You Have It

That’s four children who have each had their own struggles in life and for the most part the same amount of health problems.  And yet they all couldn’t possibly have been fed any more different.  My two youngest who had the most breast milk have also both been the ones to struggle the most with keeping weight on or gaining weight.  The struggles and triumphs that they have in life really truly don’t seem to have any correlation with how they were fed to start out with though.  There are a number of factors which play into a person’s IQ and health.  I have no doubt that breast milk can provide the antibodies needed to fight off infection in the early stages of life.  Even though my 2 year old got an ear infection at 2 weeks old it’s possible that breastfeeding helped it not turn into something worse.  And I do know that she got her 2nd ear infection right after she stopped breastfeeding.  Probably not a coincidence.   But she was over a year old and her immune system had developed enough to make its own antibodies.  And with a little help of antibiotics it cleared up.

Since the World Health Organization (WHO) has come out again to say there’s no long term health benefit to breastfeeding, then I think it’s safe to say that no one should feel guilty for not having breastfed at all or even for stopping at a certain age.  Because in the long run, years from now, none of this matters.  It doesn’t matter how a child was born, it doesn’t matter what her first food was, and it certainly doesn’t matter how long she received that first food.  As long as she is receiving the proper nutrients our children are going to grow up to be who they are going to be regardless of whether or not you breastfed fed them for 5 days or 5 years.  There just is no considerable physical or intellectual difference based on the length of time a child breastfeeds.

Can you tell which adults have been formula fed and which where breastfed and for how long?

In keeping up with my oldest daughter’s grades as I do last week I noticed that halfway through the final marking period of her middle school career she’s teetering on having straight A’s.  Straight A’s in classes which include advanced classes.  Something which I have every confidence she can achieve, but she doesn’t think is possible.  And something which I would love to see her do and fear that the excitement of the end of the year and the warmer weather could possibly cause her to not push quite so hard.

So in wanting to give her a little extra incentive I presented a challenge to her.  I told her if she can bring all of her grades (her lowest in her Advanced Social Studies class being an 86) up to 90 and above, then we will pay her $20.  I hadn’t given much thought to it.  It was just in conversation I was like, hey you know how close you are to having straight A’s this marking period?  She kind of blushed and then questioned what her grades were.  I told her and saw this look of pride in her eye and wanted to push her that much harder to get what I know she’s capable of so I said I’ll pay you if you get straight A’s.

I used to get a gift at the end of the school year if I maintained good grades for the whole year when I was in school.  While I knew that my job was to do my best in school having this extra incentive I think made me work that much harder.  After I had done it though, I got to thinking what others might think of me doing this.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to defend my actions and I won’t go back on what I promised her either at this point because that would be breaking a promise which I think could be even worse than offering to pay her for grades.  But I do want to explain why I’m doing this and why I would do it again.  Because I did ask others and I heard a lot of flat out, “No I would never do that!”

I Understand Everyone’s Best Is Different

While I have offered payment to my oldest for straight A’s in my mind this is more of a challenge.  Like lets see if you can go above and beyond and if you do that here’s the reward I will give you.  For my other children the challenge might look different and even the reward might look different.  Because everyone has their own thing that motivates them.  And everyone has their own skill level.

If my oldest had all B’s and they were in the lower 80 range I don’t think I ever would have offered this.  She is so very close to getting straight A’s though and knowing her the way I do while she would love to have high honors she also doesn’t have that confidence and drive to really pursue it on her own.  Not just for the high honors anyways.  When she achieves high honors though I know that will be a huge confidence boost for her, but she hasn’t felt that yet so she doesn’t know what it feels like.

But It’s Her Job To Get Good Grades In School

Yes, that is the ultimate goal of school to do your best.  It’s a child’s job.  So why wouldn’t we pay for it?  When you think about it schools reward our kids.  Not monetarily, but they do have checks and balances in place in school.  Honors rewards and reward programs where our children are honored for their hard work.  And of course the ultimate reward of hard work throughout school is getting into the college of your choice with scholarships.

I have been stressing to my daughter since she started middle school that everything she does from here on out is going to shape her future.  She knows this, everyone is telling her this, but at the same time it’s also so far off.  It’s hard to look that far in advance.  Smaller goals to work towards are better.

I have learned this in dealing with my middle daughter’s education.  I can’t look too far ahead for her because it’s too hard to see where she’s going to be.  And of course she’s her own goal setter.  She tends to set big goals for herself and then sets out to accomplish them.  I don’t have to make those goals for her, but I do have to do that for my oldest.

My kids know their job is school and they are always expected to do their very best at their job, but I don’t think we should say they don’t deserve some form of incentive to work a little harder, especially when they have had a difficult year.

And This Has Been A Difficult Year

The fact that my oldest has managed to accomplish even what she has is pretty good given the amount of times her schedule had to change because of how the school messed things up.  Yet all year she maintained mostly B’s.  Despite having to change classes.  It took a huge toll on her and truth be told if it hadn’t worked out I was considering home schooling her.  It did work out and better than I could have imagined.

It’s honestly all because she managed to make the best of a rotten situation.  So quite frankly for all she has been through if she can pull off straight A’s, then I think she deserves a little extra reward.  I have no doubt that she will be bragging to everyone (in particular her sister) that she got straight A’s when she does it and I’m sure that it will be all about how smart she is and not all about the money she receives from it.  She really truly will have earned whatever she gets if she gets straight A’s.  So I will not apologize for offering her this.

Good Grades = Money

There really is a connection between good grades and money.  The better your grades are, the better college you’ll get into, and ideally the better job you’ll get.  So I don’t think this is too far of a stretch to go this way.  I think so long as we know our child’s ability and we know what incentives will work best for them it isn’t going to ruin them.  I’ll have to let you know in a month how well it worked out with my daughter in this case, but so far she is really buckling down and doing her work without me having to tell her to.  Part of me is wondering, why didn’t I do this sooner.  It might have saved me a lot of fights.

If a situation presents itself with my other children I will not hesitate to do this with them as well.  Perhaps the payment will look a little different for them.  To an extent on a much smaller scale I have already done it with my middle daughter.  She came home with a few good grades and as a reward I allowed her to go to a dance.  Although, I did not tell her in advance that she would be allowed to attend this dance if she had good grades.  But I might have told her she couldn’t go if she had gotten bad grades.  So if I’m going to punish for bad grades, why wouldn’t I reward for good ones?  After all, we are told from the beginning in parenting that positive reinforcement is better than negative.  If we’re going to start them out rewarding them for something like using the toilet, then mine as well keep the rewards coming for grades.

And on my Facebook wall there was actually a very intriguing suggestion of when her children get bad grades they have to pay her, when they get good grades she pays them.  I can’t say I would do it that they had to pay me for every grade less than an A because I know an A really might be asking too much for my kids depending on the class and level at which it’s being taught.  But it definitely could be a good motivator.

Will you be paying your children for good grades from now on?

Image courtesy of Huffington Post. Left: new Merida Right: Original Merida

Last summer Disney had another blockbuster hit called Brave.  One of several movies last year showing confident girls with bows and arrows doing their thing.  Between Brave and The Hunger Games it really piqued my daughter’s interest in archery.  Sort of a lost art which I am amazed at her ability in this area because I was awful at it in school.

Merida wasn’t the most glamorous of characters.  She wasn’t meant to be.  That was really part of her charm.  She was the tomboy of princesses.  She didn’t want to be your typical princess.  That was the whole story line.  She fought her mother on the teachings of being a proper princess.

But Disney apparently decided for her to fit the princess look Merida needed a new look.  My husband drew my attention to it over the weekend actually.  I didn’t think too much of it until I saw the image myself.  And I don’t like it, but not for the reason that most parents dislike it.

I don’t view her as the “feminist” of heroines.  And really to me all of these characters are just that, characters.  I don’t put too much stock in how a cartoon character looks or even behaves.  I have three daughters and they sure love their princesses.  Well, my youngest hasn’t seemed to find a favorite just yet.  My oldest loved Snow White, my middle is a Tinkerbell fanatic.  I don’t really look at any of these characters as life teachers for my kids.  My job as their parent is to make sure they understand the difference between reality and fiction.  And cartoons don’t really get much more fiction.  I mean come on now, who has ever seen a talking mouse.

So I don’t make too much out of Disney movies.  Sure there is a lesson to be learned in the story, but that lesson isn’t found in the drawn lines in the cartoon characters, it’s found in the story plot and the words that are said.

My issue with the makeover of Merida is it just makes her lose all meaning to the movie now.  I mean sure you can be beautiful and still be strong.  I mean come on people, you don’t have to be homely looking to be intelligent and strong.  There are plenty of amazingly drop dead gorgeous women out there who are very intelligent and strong.  So I certainly don’t think we should be giving the look of feminism a certain one size fits all look.  I mean that’s really kind of silly when you think about it, right?  We want equality, but beautiful women can’t be equal in the brains department to more plain women?  Seems like that’s creating more stereotypes for women.

However, at the same time if we’re looking at cartoon characters to give our daughter’s a sense of womanhood and what it means to be a woman, then I think we’re seriously failing them.  Merida’s change of appearance is unfortunate in that it just doesn’t fit her character’s personality not because of what it’s teaching our daughters.  If we’re relying on Disney movies to teach our daughters how to be a woman and what feminism is, then we have more problems than stereotypes and the idea that women have to be beautiful to be heard.  Or to be a princess you have to look a certain way.

It’s plain and simple.  Merida’s makeover is disappointing because it simply does not portray that tomboy headstrong look and attitude that is Merida.  It’s not because now our daughters don’t have a good strong feminist look to emulate out of a cartoon character.  It’s a cartoon.  It’s not like it’s possible to achieve the look of a cartoon character.

If we want to teach our young daughters to be equal, then we should lead by example.  We should learn to value ourselves and treat everyone around us as equals, including men.  Because we are our children’s first and most important teacher, not media and not Disney movies.

I’m all for media showing our girls what real women look like.  We know Barbie’s body imagine is unattainable and the average pant size of women in America is I believe 12.  So it’s nice that our daughters are understanding that women come in all shapes and sizes and we should be celebrated, but this is still our number one job as their parents to to teach them these things and instill the confidence to find beauty in their own skin.

I come from a generation where Jessica Rabbit was the unattainable body image of cartoons.  I knew she was ridiculously exaggerated and women don’t look like that; can’t look like that.  If I’m going to spend any time worrying about how women are portrayed it’s just not going to be through cartoons, plain and simple.  Because if I’m doing my job as a parent correctly, then my children know that cartoons are not real and my 5 year old won’t be putting any dynamite in bird seed to catch a bird.  And my daughters aren’t going to look at a fairy princess and think she has to look just like her.

But Disney, on the off chance you are reading this I do implore you to change back the look of Merida.  Not because I think she’s a feminist icon to teach our children what headstrong women look like, but because you had it right the first time.  Her original image suited her  character much better.

What do you think about the makeover of Merida from Brave?

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I hope everyone had a very happy Mother’s Day yesterday.  I sure did.  I’m at a very interesting stage in motherhood I think.  I still have little ones, but I also have older ones who can pitch in and do more to surprise me on their own.  Then I still get the cute little homemade cards, but I also get store bought gifts.

I surprisingly managed to sleep in until almost 10 in the morning.  Don’t ask me how or why that happened because well sleeping until 9 is usually like heaven these days.  And that really only happens after I had a rough night with a sick kid or something and my husband decides to let me sleep in, so it’s not really like extra sleep, just grabbing the sleep I missed out on the night before.

When I got up I had breakfast made for me by my teenager.  Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and an English muffin with a glass of chocolate milk.  Then I got the gifts.  Some coloring pages from all the kids, including my 2 year old.  A card my son made in school and a cute tea cup cut out with a poem written on it and a tea bag inside.  My middle daughter gave me a plant she planted at school and my oldest gave me a frog wind chime.  Which I actually had to laugh about because I had seen this Peace Frogs wind chime that I was going to share on my oldest daughter’s FB wall as a suggestion for a Mother’s Day present.  Ultimately I decided not to because it was more than I wanted her spending on me anyways.  She didn’t get me the Peace Frogs one, but the one she got was cute and I actually like it better.  I just thought it was funny that she knew me well enough to know I would like that despite the fact that I have no wind chimes.

My husband had to work so he left, but was home in time to cook me dinner.  Manicotti.  He also got me flowers and a card.

I played outside with the kids and just really got to enjoy them without having to worry about getting other stuff done.  I just let all of the other stuff go and didn’t let it bother me.

It is different than Mother’s Days past.  In the beginning I had this vision of sort of a day off from parenting.  Silly and naive, I know.  Mother’s Day isn’t about getting a day off.  Because there are no days off when you’re a mother.  No matter how old your kids get you will always worry about them and you will always love them and you will always parent them.  Mother’s Day is a celebration of motherhood.  And it’s for us all.

While it’s nice to have a few of the things you do as a mom taken off your plate for the day, that’s not what it’s all about.  While it’s nice for the people in your life to acknowledge the things you do to make their life a little easier that’s not what it’s about either.  It’s not even about the gifts or the handmade cards.  It’s about the joys that motherhood brings and about embracing those joys.  That was the best gift of all.  Getting to enjoy my children and celebrate our family.

But the not having to cook or wash dishes and all of those homemade gifts and even the wind chime are just extra special bonuses and physical reminders of just how much my kids love me and how well they know me.  That’s pretty darn special.

How was your Mother’s Day?

With it being Mother’s Day and all I have been giving a lot of thought to my own mother.  She is a huge part of the stories which are written on my heart and she truly made me who I am today.  That’s what a mother is supposed to do, right?

But I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that our relationship has been strained over the years.  It is definitely not the relationship I want with my mother or I have chosen and it breaks my heart that we can’t find our way past this.

Because in spite of everything every day as I mother my own four children I am reminded of my mother.  I do hear her voice coming out of my mouth.  Sometimes I wonder, how would my mom have handled this situation if it were me?

My mom is the one who taught me how to advocate for my children’s education.  She was always there and she was fair.  She didn’t take me just at my word, but she also didn’t believe everything about me my teachers told her.  And because she was that fine example of an educationally minded parent I have been able to provide that same advocacy for my children and have found the courage to make the tough decisions because of what she taught me.

My mom, even while working full time, managed to cook delicious home cooked meals almost every night.  While also providing delicious home made treats as well.  I have been able to provide that for my children and bring them to the table with meals that they enjoy.

As my children get older and I begin to do more of the things that I remember doing with my mom (those special mother daughter times) I look back and remember those times I’ve had with my mother.  I think some day my daughters will be doing this with their daughters and I hope remembering our moments together bring a smile to their face while they are making memories with their own kids like it does mine.

Even though things are strained between me and my mom right now that doesn’t change the fact that she is a huge part of me every single day of my life.  I hope things improve sooner rather than later so we can continue to write our story, but in spite of everything I know how truly blessed I am to have had a mother who made me me and the mother that I am.  I couldn’t have done it without you mom!  I love you!

So according to TodayMom.com there was a mom stress survey which apparently I missed out on.  I sure would have liked to take this survey.  Perhaps the results would have been skewed with my answers.

I was shocked to see that having 3 kids is more stressful than having four or more.  I think I have to disagree with that.  In all honesty the stress you have with your children is probably more directly related to the age of your children.  I spread my kids out.  My two oldest are almost exactly 3 years apart in age, but I didn’t have my 3rd until my middle daughter was 5 1/2.  Then my youngest came along 3 months after my sons 3rd birthday.

I distinctly remember when I was pregnant with my 2nd child I was petrified of how I would love another.  You know, the normal 2nd child fears.  Those quickly faded and I was left with that how do I juggle it all worry?  The first time my husband went back to work and I had to get both girls ready by myself, I do believe I cried.  We got into a groove though.

When I was pregnant with my 3rd my fears were just going back to all of the baby stuff again.  We had been away from that stuff for so long.  Also, when we found out he was a boy I was worried about how to care for a boy after having two girls.  Then when he was born it wasn’t long before we were dealing with health problems.  His first year is a bit of a blur to me, but I will say with a 9 year old and 6 year old and an infant the number wasn’t overwhelming, the whole dealing with a sick child was overwhelming and stressful.

Then during my pregnancy with my 4th I wasn’t even thinking about what it would be like after she got here, I was just thinking about getting her here after our loss just 2 years before.  Once she was here though my stress went through the roof.  I had 3 kids in 3 different schools at the time.  Then there was this newborn baby.  While I certainly had the confidence with her of actually parenting her; figuring out how to juggle the needs of the rest of my children was very stressful.

Here we are 2 years later and I’m still feeling overwhelmed.  I think that’s just motherhood.  I don’t know that one transition was worse than another though, they were just all different.  And in all honesty if it weren’t for my son’s health problems when he was born I think that would have been the easiest transition.  And that could just be because I did have the older children who wanted to help out with him.

While sure, my kids can kind of buddy up now it doesn’t exactly work out the greatest.  Now I have two sets of kids who go at it like cats and dogs and they drag each other into their fights.

Would I have it any other way?  Absolutely not.  I love having 4 kids.  Four was the number I said I always wanted.  I most definitely did not however find 3 kids to be more challenging than two or even four.  Then again, I didn’t need 3 hands to cross the street because my oldest was capable of crossing the street by herself.  I wasn’t chasing kids in three different directions because my two oldest were mostly beyond that wandering off stage.

In talking to my friends who have four kids though, number four tends to be extremely strong willed which just adds to the stress.  You know those parents you see in the stores with a screaming toddler?  That would be me now.  Even when my oldest were toddlers and I would see parents wrestling a little one into the carriage at the grocery store I would think why can’t they control that child?  I have no problem.  Now I think, that child must be a 4th child.  Because of all of my kids my youngest most definitely wants to be just like all of the older ones and she will fight you tooth and nail in an attempt to get her way.

I don’t give in, usually.  But let me tell you she is not at all afraid to use her voice to get her point across.  And I see extremely similar traits in my friend’s kids with number 4.  The one thing they all have in common is their pecking order in the family.

Perhaps I need to conduct my own survey.  I wonder if this particular survey was just performed with a larger number of mothers who stopped at three children and that’s why the results are what they are.  Because I would imagine a lot of parents who have more than 3 children might disagree with this assessment.

Bottom line though is motherhood is stressful no matter how many children you have.  And it doesn’t get less so the older they get either.  The cause of the stress just changes.

So tell me, how many children do you have?  Do you agree or disagree with this survey?  Do you think other factors such as birth order, medical problems, and the age range of your children have more to do with how stressful a job parenting is?

Combing out Lice (Photo credit: {studiobeerhorst}-bbmarie)

Head Lice seems to be going around.  I’ve heard people talking about it, my kids have come home with the informative papers about lice, and just last night a friend of mine said to me, “My daughter has lice what do I do?”  I have become the lice expert apparently.  After literally spending months when my son was a newborn battling lice with my two oldest girls I just might be the lice expert.  I tried it all, literally!

And truth be told, the best cure comes from Brazil.  Find yourself a friend from Brazil.  Seriously, the one thing that finally worked was a pill that my friend from Brazil gave me.  It’s not approved here in the US, but I was desperate.  Seriously, it had been months.  And if you have seen my daughter’s hair, they have a lot of hair.  Combing through their hair it was hours long process and then the cleaning on top of all of that.  It was exhausting.

So while normally I wouldn’t give my kids something not approved by their doctor I was at my whits end.  And knock on wood, they have been lice free ever since.  That’s 5 years without lice for either of them.  I was honestly considering shaving their heads when my friend rescued me.  And little girls should not be traumatized like that.  If it were my son, no big deal, but I couldn’t do that to my daughters.  That would be so hard to deal with.

Facts About Lice

Lice does not mean a person is dirty.  As a matter of fact lice prefer clean heads to dirty heads.  So don’t ever feel ashamed like you are dirty people because you have lice.  Lice don’t hurt or carry disease.  They do bite which can be itchy and the scratching can cause an infection.  So you want to make sure you get rid of them and watch for any sores on your child’s scalp and neck.  At any sign of infection you want to call your doctor.

Lice are very tiny.  An adult lice is brown/gray in color.  The eggs or nits are white and resemble dandruff.  However, it sticks to the hair shaft and does not fall off like dandruff does.  That’s how you can tell the difference.

Lice do not jump or fly.  They can only be passed human to human and with close physical contact.  That’s why sharing brushes, combs, hats, and hair accessories is not recommended.  These sort of activities are what cause the spread of lice.

It can take about 7-10 days for a nit to hatch.  So because of this if you find out someone has lice you will want to keep checking your child’s head for a few weeks.  Paying close attention to the nape of the neck and behind the ears.

You cannot get lice from your pet.  Only human to human contact can cause the spread of lice.

So now I’m sure you’re wondering how do I get rid of lice?  I mean short of having a friend from Brazil who can give you unapproved medication by the FDA which mind you I do not recommend at all.  While I swear by the stuff I have absolutely no idea what’s actually in the pill as I cannot read a word in the box.  It was probably an extremely foolish idea on my part, but did I tell you we had lice in our house for MONTHS?  I tried every treatment possible.  Lice are becoming resistant to our available treatments.

How To Delouse Your House

Here’s what you need to do…

1. Go to the store and get any over the counter lice shampoo (Rid, Nix, store brand – it doesn’t matter, they’re really all the same).  Make sure it has a nit comb, but grab a 2nd one in case you can con someone into helping you comb.  Pick up some Dawn dish detergent while you’re there.
2. Gather up all stuffed animals and place them in an air tight bag for two weeks.
3. Place all bedding in the washing machine and wash on extremely hot water.  This means sheets, blankets, pillows, and don’t forget your carseat covers too.
4. Vacuum all beds, couches, and carpets.  Remove couch cushions and get in the crevices of the couch and chairs too.  Anywhere hair can get that you can actually wash, vacuum it.
5. Gather up all hair combs, brushes, hats, and even bike helmets.  Anything that can be washed soak in extremely hot water and rubbing alcohol.  Wash with Dawn dish detergent.  Anything that cannot be washed (bike helmets) put in an air tight bag and stick it in the freezer for at least 12 hours.  This should kill the lice/nits so you can use them right away.
6. Now to treat your child – Start with the lice shampoo.  Do not shampoo or condition your child’s hair first, just apply the lice shampoo at directed on the box.  Put your child’s hair in a shower cap and let sit for however long the instructions say.
7. Rinse the hair and apply the Dawn dish soap to help aid in the removal of nits.  Rinse again and now get your nit comb.  Have a towel for wiping the comb.
8. In very small clumps starting at the nape of the neck slowly begin combing through the hair.  Make sure you get right to the scalp and work your way around the head.  Look closely you want to get as much of the nits as you possibly can.  Make sure everyone’s in a comfy spot because this is going to take a while.  Especially if you have a child with a lot of hair.
9. Comb the hair like this, while wet, every day for the next two weeks.
10. One week after the initial treatment, treat again just to make sure you got them.

Now if after 2 weeks you still have lice, call your doctor.  There is a prescription they can give you, but it is highly highly flammable.  They made me swear that I would not light a fire around my children while doing this.  That means no hair dryer too.  This is done the same way as the over the counter treatments.  You’ll need to comb through the hair still and honestly my kids complained that it burned their scalp from what I remember.  And in the end it didn’t even work.

I was either dealing with particular aggressive bugs, or there was a serious undiagnosed problem at our school.  I think the school was contributing to the problem.  When I told the school that my girls had head lice, two weeks later the nurse hadn’t even checked the students.  Who remembers in school going down to the nurses office as a class so she could comb through our hair checking for lice?  I remember doing that and I expected the same to happen to my kids.  Instead, every time I set foot in the school office (which was a lot, I was the PTA president) I would see the nurse sitting in the office chatting with people.  When I questioned why she wasn’t checking the school for lice she said there wasn’t enough time for that because she was all by herself.  So needless to say I think it was just getting passed around their school.

Prevention

Lice generally is a right of passage of any parent/child I would think.  I remember a few times of going through this drill as a child.  I also remember hating that my brother could just get buzzed and be done with it, while I had to go through the long tedious process of sitting there and getting my hair pulled and combed through.  Little did I know then how hard it was on the one who was doing the tugging and pulling.  So while you probably can’t completely avoid the lice drill, here are some reminders for your kids and things you can use to deter the lice.

• Remind your child that brushes, combs, hats, and hair accessories (or really anything that goes on your head or in your hair) are not to be shared.
• Encourage your child to avoid getting too close.
• Remind your child to hang coats and hats up separate and not to toss it in a pile with the rest of his classmates.
• Rosemary is supposed to repel lice.  There is a leave in spray conditioner called Fairy Tales Rosemary Repel Leave-in Conditioning Spray that is supposed to repel lice and other insects from the hair.  Get some and use it throughout the school year on your child’s hair.  There is also a Rosemary shampoo you can get.  I purchased it through my hairdresser.
• Use plastic mattress and pillow covers.

Most important, don’t panic.  This is very common and it’s really just annoying and a lot of work.  If there’s one thing I’d really like everyone to take from this though it’s that head lice does not mean you’re dirty, it means you’re clean.  So it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  Make sure you tell administration at your child’s school or sports coaches and the parents of children who might have recently slept over.  Finding it early is important to tackling the problem.

Are you prepared now to handle head lice should your child get it?

All year long I have been talking about my 5 year old son and what I think is going to happen to him with school in his Kindergarten year which he’s currently in.  And back at the beginning of the month when we had his parent/teacher conference we had gotten the news which I expected to hear from his teacher.  “I recommend him for retention”, his teacher said.

While this was something I had anticipated his entire life actually, it’s also new territory to me.  His older sisters both have April birthdays.  Even though my middle daughter was behind even in Kindergarten it was only in the area of reading.  With my son it really just looks like a matter of his age getting in the way here.  It’s not that he can’t do what needs to be done, it’s just that his attention span to do the work isn’t where it needs to be.  And that’s fine, he’s young.  It’s to be expected.

My biggest concern with him repeating Kindergarten has always been for him socially.  He has a lot of really great friends.  And honestly, I really like the kids he’s friends with.  Lets face it, our kids all have someone we really would rather was not their friend, but really these are a good group of boys which he has befriended.  So I’m worried how he’ll feel watching these kids go on without him.  What will they say to him?  Will they make him feel like he’s not smart enough?

I know in my heart of hearts that this is the best time to do it though.  The older he gets the harder other kids will be on him and the harder he’ll be on himself.  He’s a likeable kid so I know he’ll make new friends without a problem.  Not to mention if we keep pushing him along I know it’s only going to get harder.  He’ll begin to notice how far behind his classmates he is.  They’ll even begin to notice and point things out.

But still there have been things that I wasn’t sure how it would work.  For example they do an end of the year celebration for the Kindergartners.  It’s kind of like a graduation, but not really.  They do get a certificate, but I wasn’t sure if somehow his would be different than the other kids.

So before we made anything official I wanted to see how the school would handle this retention.  I mean I know they know what they’re doing, but I don’t and I like to make sure we’re all on the same page.  So I called the principal and made an appointment to meet with her to discuss things before I gave her my letter in writing that I wanted my son to repeat Kindergarten.  I mean don’t get me wrong, we were doing it no matter what (I already had my letter written), but I just wanted to know how it was going to work.  So we met with the principal and I’m excited about the possibilities here.

End Of The Year Celebration

Our son will still get to participate in this event.  He will get a certificate that looks just like the rest of his classmates.  It’s going to be very generic and just that, a celebration of the end of a long hard year at work.  So that works out great for me.  Even more importantly for my son.

We haven’t told him he’s repeating Kindergarten.  I don’t really plan on actually coming out and saying, you’re staying back.  So I don’t want him being treated differently making him question why the different treatment.  Whatever I do say to him will be along the lines of they enjoyed having you in Kindergarten so much that they’d like you to stay.

Next Year

One of the things my husband and I have been debating is whether it’s better for him to repeat with the same teacher, or have a new teacher.  My husband feels like our son already knows his current teacher and that will help him to succeed next year.  I feel like he would feel more like he’s moving on if he has a different teacher.  While I know that his current teacher adores him and thinks he’s a great kid I think there still might be some prejudices there.  She’ll remember the boy who couldn’t sit still which might lead to some hand holding.

We both shared our thoughts with the principal on his teacher placement for next year.  Ultimately we both know she’s going to do what she’s going to do, but she did take in what we both had to say.  One of us is going to be pleased with her ultimate decision.  I think it’s going to be me.

Since we are still on a half day Kindergarten I wanted to make sure my son would remain in the morning.  That has become our routine.  So I wanted to make sure he could stay in the morning.  The principal seemed receptive to that and said she will talk to the secretary about making sure he remains in the morning.

Everything seems to be falling into place and now that I have talked to the principal I feel like from here on out things will be great.  My son is going from being one of the youngest in his grade to one of the oldest and he is going to be put in a leadership role.  He is going to flourish under that role.  It’s hard having two older sisters always telling you what to do.  Whenever his sisters aren’t home if I leave a room my son asks me if he’s in charge.  Now if that’s not someone who’s dying for someone to put him in a position of leadership, then I don’t know what is.

That’s exactly what this opportunity is for him.  He will be in a position where he already knows the daily routine and knows where everything is.  He’ll go in there and show everyone else what they are supposed to do.  I see a lot of improvement in him over the last few weeks and I think that’s just going to continue to grow.

While it might seem like it would be boring to do the same thing over again I think that his new role as someone for others to look up to is going to really keep him interested.  Plus he’s getting more interested in sitting and reading and finding letters and numbers.  No matter how much I have tried to show him letters and talk about sounds they make he just hasn’t been that into it.  Now he’s pointing out letters wherever we go and playing around with the sounds they make.  He’s just more into it and I can see how that’s going to play out for him in repeating the grade next year.

So yeah, I’m excited.  I’m excited to see how he does and how this works for him.  I’m excited to see him flourish.  I’m excited to see him get excited about reading.  All of the other stuff socially will be fine too.  Repeating a grade doesn’t have to be a bad thing.  This is not a negative, it’s a positive.  And I’m glad that we’re at a school which recognizes this and works with us to make this an easy transition.

Did you ever have to repeat a grade in school?  How did it make you feel?

April 22nd conjures up a lot of emotion for me. Mostly good. It’s Earth Day and it’s my oldest daughter’s birthday. Which also means it’s my birthday as a mother. But it is also the expected due date of my angel baby. So as you can see there is a lot going on for this day.

It will always be a very special day though. The gift of motherhood was bestowed upon me 14 years ago on this very day by one super girl. And since I have been doing facts about my children for their birthday I want to share some fun facts about my oldest with you. Fourteen of them to be exact because that’s how many years I have had to get to know her. But I would like to ask you to go wish Celeste a Happy Due Date if you wouldn’t mind taking the time to meet my angel baby right here. Go ahead and come back I’ll wait.

Okay, you back? Now here are 14 things about my oldest daughter…

14 Things

1. She is a mini me.  Not just looks, but personality too.
2. She is super smart, but doesn’t always believe she is.
3. She has a huge heart especially when it comes to her baby brother and sister.
4. She wants to be a teacher when she grows up.
5. However, when she took a test in school it said she’s make a good detective, which really intrigued her, although not enough to consider pursuing that as a possible career.
6. If you give her time, she really will surprise you with her ability.
7. Most people don’t realize she can be extremely loud.
8. She will argue with you about anything.  If she weren’t so shy she’d really be a great debater.
9. She is very bossy, must be the older sister thing.
10. Despite her bossiness she is a really good big sister.  She helps out a lot with her younger siblings and really looks out for them and worries about them, sometimes a little too much.
11. She is a homebody.  She prefers to stick close to home.
12. She loves the Hunger Games, but when she first heard about it she had no interest in it.  I had to convince her to read it and see the movie and she ended up loving it.
13. Penguins are her favorite animal.
14. She hates change.

And that is my first born.  It amazes me how fast she’s going.  Thinking that we only have four more years with her is terrifying.  We’re going to have to make the most of these next four years.  It is interesting watching her develop her views on the world though.  She’s amazing.

Happy Birthday to my first born!  I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.  And happy due date to Angel Celeste Alia.  Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.  You’re in my heart forever and always.

Did you learn anything new today?

You all know that I can’t stand this whole idea of the “real life” blogger, right?  I mean it’s not that I don’t think we should be honest, but it’s more that I think the honesty can be taken too far and can harm our children.  At least when it comes to blogging.

I get the idea behind showing what life is really all about.  Motherhood is hard.  The thing is if you’re a mother especially I don’t think this should come as any surprise to you.  And I don’t think constantly harping on the bad parts of motherhood are helpful or healthy for anyone.

When you talk about the negative all the time to those who aren’t parents it’s either scaring them off to parenthood or it’s ticking them off because all you ever do is complain and you made this choice.  While other parents might understand and it’s really great to commiserate with one another it can also turn into a one up mans ship of who has it harder.  It’s good to have fiends you can gripe about all of the little mundane stuff of your day, but it probably doesn’t need to be posted for the world to see.

I recently read a blog which was fed up with the whole idea of highlighting only the positive.  She got up that weekend and posted a fluffy status on Facebook of how her day started, but the reality of her day was just slightly less glamorous and slightly more exhausting.  And had she posted how her day really went, it was amusing and everyone got a kick out of it, but it was also extremely personal and almost fell under TMI territory.  And it’s one thing when we are TMI about our own self, but when you start getting TMI about others it crosses a line.  And our children deserve this consideration when we post stuff.

We Can Share Real Life Without Invading Privacy

I want you to know, I am real with you.  I think if you’ve been reading me for a while you know that I’m not all about the fluff.  Parenting is tough.  I tackle the big issues as they arise in my life.  I will not however share every minute detail of my kids lives with you because that is their story to tell, not mine.

Why would we feel the need to share the argument our children had over whether strawberry milk or chocolate milk was better?  Why do we feel the need to share every time our toddler screams poop out in public?  Are these things we need to memorialize for an eternity so we can look back and remember?  I don’t.  It’s kind of like taking a picture of the wall how it looked on Tuesday.  These are daily things that occur in some shape or form in every household.

We just don’t need to air all of our dirty laundry from our day to day life for the world to read.  Putting a positive spin on the mundane or the stressful parts of life can be helpful in getting us through the day.  Plus, the internet is forever.  If we only post negativity about motherhood our children might read it someday.  And it could be hurtful to them.  So I think we need to tackle the internet as if we are talking in front of our children.

Maybe it’s because I’m at a point where I am.  My oldest daughter is on Facebook.  She sees what I post on there.  I never want to be the person who brings her down just so I can be real with you about how my day is going.  And the fact of the matter is generally speaking our memories contain more of the happy moments than the sad moments anyways.  When our children grow up they are going to remember that impromptu trip to Dunkin Donuts to get munchkins and not the fight they had with their siblings on the way to getting to Dunkin Donuts.  These are the important moments.  These are the things that memories are made of.  The times spent hugging and cuddling, this is what we want our children to remember.  So why do we feel the need to highlight the negative?  So we can make other moms feel not so alone?  Well, I have to say I think that’s really silly.

We should all have some sort of private support network (hopefully personal) that we can talk to when we need to get out our frustrations on parenting.  We shouldn’t have to do it in public.  Our Facebook page shouldn’t have to become this real life daily minute by minute mundane posting of life as we know it.  We know motherhood is difficult, but it also has the greatest reward in the end.  It is absolutely the hardest, most exhausting, most emotionally challenging job I have ever had.  It is also the most exhilarating at times, most joyous, and most fulfilling job I have ever had.  I never expected it to be easy and while it has exceeded my wildest expectations, I don’t think we can ever give any mother a true understanding of what motherhood is all about because it’s going to be different for everyone.  The best advice I can ever give any new mom is to embrace every moment with a smile because it all goes by so fast.

What is your real life of motherhood like?