So in wanting to give her a little extra incentive I presented a challenge to her.  I told her if she can bring all of her grades (her lowest in her Advanced Social Studies class being an 86) up to 90 and above, then we will pay her $20.  I hadn’t given much thought to it.  It was just in conversation I was like, hey you know how close you are to having straight A’s this marking period?  She kind of blushed and then questioned what her grades were.  I told her and saw this look of pride in her eye and wanted to push her that much harder to get what I know she’s capable of so I said I’ll pay you if you get straight A’s.

I used to get a gift at the end of the school year if I maintained good grades for the whole year when I was in school.  While I knew that my job was to do my best in school having this extra incentive I think made me work that much harder.  After I had done it though, I got to thinking what others might think of me doing this.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to defend my actions and I won’t go back on what I promised her either at this point because that would be breaking a promise which I think could be even worse than offering to pay her for grades.  But I do want to explain why I’m doing this and why I would do it again.  Because I did ask others and I heard a lot of flat out, “No I would never do that!”

I Understand Everyone’s Best Is Different

While I have offered payment to my oldest for straight A’s in my mind this is more of a challenge.  Like lets see if you can go above and beyond and if you do that here’s the reward I will give you.  For my other children the challenge might look different and even the reward might look different.  Because everyone has their own thing that motivates them.  And everyone has their own skill level.

If my oldest had all B’s and they were in the lower 80 range I don’t think I ever would have offered this.  She is so very close to getting straight A’s though and knowing her the way I do while she would love to have high honors she also doesn’t have that confidence and drive to really pursue it on her own.  Not just for the high honors anyways.  When she achieves high honors though I know that will be a huge confidence boost for her, but she hasn’t felt that yet so she doesn’t know what it feels like.

But It’s Her Job To Get Good Grades In School

Yes, that is the ultimate goal of school to do your best.  It’s a child’s job.  So why wouldn’t we pay for it?  When you think about it schools reward our kids.  Not monetarily, but they do have checks and balances in place in school.  Honors rewards and reward programs where our children are honored for their hard work.  And of course the ultimate reward of hard work throughout school is getting into the college of your choice with scholarships.

I have been stressing to my daughter since she started middle school that everything she does from here on out is going to shape her future.  She knows this, everyone is telling her this, but at the same time it’s also so far off.  It’s hard to look that far in advance.  Smaller goals to work towards are better.

I have learned this in dealing with my middle daughter’s education.  I can’t look too far ahead for her because it’s too hard to see where she’s going to be.  And of course she’s her own goal setter.  She tends to set big goals for herself and then sets out to accomplish them.  I don’t have to make those goals for her, but I do have to do that for my oldest.

My kids know their job is school and they are always expected to do their very best at their job, but I don’t think we should say they don’t deserve some form of incentive to work a little harder, especially when they have had a difficult year.

And This Has Been A Difficult Year

The fact that my oldest has managed to accomplish even what she has is pretty good given the amount of times her schedule had to change because of how the school messed things up.  Yet all year she maintained mostly B’s.  Despite having to change classes.  It took a huge toll on her and truth be told if it hadn’t worked out I was considering home schooling her.  It did work out and better than I could have imagined.

It’s honestly all because she managed to make the best of a rotten situation.  So quite frankly for all she has been through if she can pull off straight A’s, then I think she deserves a little extra reward.  I have no doubt that she will be bragging to everyone (in particular her sister) that she got straight A’s when she does it and I’m sure that it will be all about how smart she is and not all about the money she receives from it.  She really truly will have earned whatever she gets if she gets straight A’s.  So I will not apologize for offering her this.

Good Grades = Money

There really is a connection between good grades and money.  The better your grades are, the better college you’ll get into, and ideally the better job you’ll get.  So I don’t think this is too far of a stretch to go this way.  I think so long as we know our child’s ability and we know what incentives will work best for them it isn’t going to ruin them.  I’ll have to let you know in a month how well it worked out with my daughter in this case, but so far she is really buckling down and doing her work without me having to tell her to.  Part of me is wondering, why didn’t I do this sooner.  It might have saved me a lot of fights.

If a situation presents itself with my other children I will not hesitate to do this with them as well.  Perhaps the payment will look a little different for them.  To an extent on a much smaller scale I have already done it with my middle daughter.  She came home with a few good grades and as a reward I allowed her to go to a dance.  Although, I did not tell her in advance that she would be allowed to attend this dance if she had good grades.  But I might have told her she couldn’t go if she had gotten bad grades.  So if I’m going to punish for bad grades, why wouldn’t I reward for good ones?  After all, we are told from the beginning in parenting that positive reinforcement is better than negative.  If we’re going to start them out rewarding them for something like using the toilet, then mine as well keep the rewards coming for grades.

And on my Facebook wall there was actually a very intriguing suggestion of when her children get bad grades they have to pay her, when they get good grades she pays them.  I can’t say I would do it that they had to pay me for every grade less than an A because I know an A really might be asking too much for my kids depending on the class and level at which it’s being taught.  But it definitely could be a good motivator.

Will you be paying your children for good grades from now on?

Now if you’d like to create your own menu and share it here you can. Just grab my button below and use the linky to link up at the bottom.

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Monica’s Menu For May 19 – May 25

Sunday: Steak with baked potatoes and mixed vegetables.
Monday: Orange glazed chicken with rice and broccoli.
Tuesday: Chicken tenders with french fries and carrots.
Wednesday: Tacos.
Thursday: Chicken piccata with egg noodles and carrots.
Friday: Ziti and meatballs.
Saturday: Breakfast for dinner.

Now it’s your turn. What’s cooking in your kitchen this week?

But anyways, enough about that stuff. Time for the fitness stuff. We started out the week with some lousy weather. Well, cooler weather I should say. But we’re ending on a warm note. I’ve taken a few walks with the kids this week which has been nice. It’s good to have warmer weather. I still need to do more though.

I haven’t stepped on the scale lately. I think I am staying around the same weight though. At least judging by how my clothes fit. I have still got to get a heart rate monitor so I can get working on the Lose 12 inches in 12 weeks. I know I need to make myself a priority, but there’s always something for the kids I have a real hard time buying myself things. I’m going to do this though. I have been getting daily emails and they just sit in my inbox. I need to do something with them, I’m starting to feel guilty. Not because I’m not doing it for myself, but because I’m not following through on a promise.

So that’s my week, I need a kick in the pants. How about you? Link up to tell me how your week of fitness has gone.

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Check your BMI…

BMI Checker:

What fitness goals did you reach this week?

Image courtesy of Live Action.

I tend to stay away from hot button issues like abortion.  And I think that’s because I don’t tend to take a firm stance one way or another.  I can see things from all sides and it just comes off like I’m soft I think.  Plus, I’m not a huge fan of getting up on my soap box and preaching to people about things, especially on things I haven’t personally experienced.

I haven’t personally been affected by gun violence.  It has hit too close to home, but I don’t know how equipped I am to say someone who has lost her child to gun violence is wrong for wanting gun control.  If I lost my child to something like that I’d probably want change too.

Same thing with abortion.  I’ve never had one and it never crossed my mind to have one.  I do however have a friend in college who contemplated abortion and I watched the torment she went through in making up her mind.  She ultimately opted to not abort and I haven’t heard any regrets about that choice.  I also know what she went through to come to that decision and it took almost losing her to make her come to the realization that she couldn’t go through with the abortion because she loved her already.

I Didn’t Know How Much I Loved You Until You Were Gone

When I had gotten pregnant with my angel baby I didn’t know I was pregnant until I was in my 2nd trimester with her.  Almost as quickly as I found out I was pregnant it seemed I had lost her though.  I tried justifying it in my mind at first with the whole we weren’t ready to handle another and it was meant to be.  But her loss has left a hole in my heart none the less.  Immediately after I had given birth to her I felt such relief that it was over.  I slept.  I slept hard and I dreamed of her and I woke up bleeding and aching.  My heart was aching and the only thing that could heal that ache was her.  I had to hold her.  I did hold her.  I cherish those moments.

What does this have to do with abortion you ask?  Well, for the entire time I knew I was pregnant (about a month) I didn’t feel connected to her.  I mean not in the way I had felt a connection to my other children when I was pregnant with them.  I thought we were done having children.  I wanted her, but I didn’t know I wanted her.  Not until she was gone.

I suppose I easily could have chosen to abort her (if I had found out I was pregnant earlier).  We couldn’t handle another child at that time.  We were just starting to get my son, who had a very rough first year of life, back on track.  We were living in a much too small apartment for five people, let alone six.  I had no idea where we would have put her when she got here or anything.  The timing really was bad and had I chosen to abort her I would be grief stricken like I am today, but the difference is I couldn’t have said it.  It would have been my choice and no one would be able to understand that kind of grief.

Sixteen years ago when my friend was torn over what to do, it was extreme cramping and an ultrasound where she saw her baby which made her realize how much she loved her child.  She couldn’t go through with anything after that.  No matter how difficult of a place she was in.  No matter if it meant giving up her scholarship and leaving the college dorm.  She couldn’t turn her back on her child.

I took her to one final clinic appointment where she told them she wasn’t going to go through with it and we left.  And today she has a beautiful fifteen year old daughter.  She has gone on to have three more children.  She has a good life and she’s happy.

This is where we fail women I think in making the choice.  I think we’re so concerned about interfering and feeling like we’re twisting their arm that we forget this is a huge decision which we should not be making lightly.  And it should not be made without considering everything.  Which includes the toll it could take on a woman after she has an abortion.

The Changing Face Of The Pro-Life Movement

I read an article recently about some kids in a van changing the face of the pro-life movement.  The call it the Stork Bus.   This might be the changing face of the pro-life movement (at least I hope it is).  Perhaps this is leading to less sidewalk protesting and even worse the bombings.  Yes, I will agree the idea of killing people to send a message not to kill babies is completely absurd.  I would say the majority of Pro-Life advocates wish there weren’t people like that mucking up the cause, but there are extremists on all sides of an argument.

So more and more these pregnancy crisis centers are popping up.  Which of course have the pro-choicers up in arms because they say they are pushing an agenda.  They keep women from having an abortion with stall tactics or forcing unwanted tests on them.  And these kids in a van ultimately are just a mobile version of these pregnancy crisis centers.  What they are doing is driving around and offering counseling and sonograms to women who are walking into an abortion clinic.  They aren’t kidnapping them and forcing them into a procedure they don’t want.  They are simply giving them a chance to see what it is they are choosing to terminate.  They are offering them another choice.

What’s so bad about that?  Even better question is why don’t abortion doctors offer their patients a chance to see their unborn child?  Why aren’t we offering them counseling and alternatives to this choice?  Because they know what they want?  Well, what about our teenage daughters who sneak off to have an abortion without parental consent?  Do they know what they want?  Do they understand the gravity of what is happening to them?  Because my 20 year old college friend didn’t fully grasp the reality of it until she was faced with the harsh reality of what it meant and how much she loved her child already.  My 30 year old self honestly didn’t know what I had until it was gone.  We expect our teen daughters to understand this?

Maybe, just maybe these birth crisis centers and vans offering mobile sonograms have the answer.  If women are choosing to not have an abortion after talking to someone about their other options or after seeing the beating heart of the baby inside of them, then why is that a bad thing?  Why is it bad to arm women with all of the information?  Why is it bad that they see their baby and decide that they can’t go through with the abortion?  I mean isn’t it possible that they weren’t that sure about their decision to begin with?  Isn’t it possible that the reality of receiving an abortion that you weren’t emotionally ready to handle could cause more problems?  Women suffering silently after making a choice they weren’t prepared to make without all of the information.

Lets give women a chance to make truly informed choice.  And that means showing them exactly what they are giving up.  That the fetus as it’s so clinically referred to is more than just tissues and cells.  That might make it more comforting to look at a baby that way in early pregnancy, but we know deep down it is more than that.  And these feelings will come out eventually and we want to make sure there’s no room to say, “I didn’t know!”

It Doesn’t End There

We need to continue to council women after no matter what choice they do make.  But especially if they choose to have an abortion.  Women can and do experience depression after having an abortion and feel a great sense of loss.  Even if it was her choice that doesn’t mean we should blow her off and say well that was your choice.  We make bad choices all the time, but that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve some empathy and understanding.  If you are a woman having a hard time dealing with your abortion, then I encourage you to seek help.  Don’t suffer alone.

I do hope to see a change in the look of abortion in my lifetime.  Not eliminated.  I do think in some instances it does have its place, but we have a responsibility to make sure a woman is fully educated in this choice.  That she does know that this fetus is more than just a bunch of tissues and cells.  The heart develops just 5 weeks into gestation (or 3 weeks after conception).  That’s more than just a bundle of cells.

Lets trust women to know what’s truly in their best interest by arming them with all of the facts.  This includes counseling, alternative options to abortions, and showing them exactly what they might be missing out on.  If all of this makes a woman decide not to have an abortion, then maybe she never really wanted one to begin with, but didn’t realize she had options or didn’t understand what she would be giving up.

What do you think about the Stork Bus?

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Rules

Just a reminder of the rules:

1. Only PG-rated photos. Nothing that would be inappropriate for children to see because I often have children around.
2. If your folder doesn’t go as high as the number picture I choose, or you don’t have a folder number then go with the last photo in the folder or the last folder.
3. If you don’t feel comfortable posting a photo because it has children in it who aren’t your own or something, then please feel free to go onto the next photo. I’d rather have you join than not and the whole point of this is to start conversations.
4. Please check out the other blogs on the linky. We’re not going to be able to start fun conversations about why pictures were taken if we don’t look at each others pictures.
5. The linky will remain open for a week so you can add your link anytime within that week.

Where Were You Wednesday

This week as I was poking through my picture folders I was struck by last years concert this time of year. Probably because we just had a concert for my middle daughter and this is the last concert she’ll ever perform at this school. Hopefully her little brother and sister will eventually get involved in band when they are older, because this school puts on a very good concert every time. It’s seriously hard to believe these kids have only been playing an instrument for one or two years. So today we are in folder number 5 picture number 31.

That’s my middle daughter after she had played the clarinet for her spring concert last year. She has grown so much in the past year, both musically and physically. It goes so fast.

Now it’s your turn. Where were you in folder number 5 picture number 31?

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If you go share with me how it was.  I will leave you with one last picture of the breathtaking cruise you could be missing out on.

Image courtesy of Huffington Post. Left: new Merida Right: Original Merida

Last summer Disney had another blockbuster hit called Brave.  One of several movies last year showing confident girls with bows and arrows doing their thing.  Between Brave and The Hunger Games it really piqued my daughter’s interest in archery.  Sort of a lost art which I am amazed at her ability in this area because I was awful at it in school.

Merida wasn’t the most glamorous of characters.  She wasn’t meant to be.  That was really part of her charm.  She was the tomboy of princesses.  She didn’t want to be your typical princess.  That was the whole story line.  She fought her mother on the teachings of being a proper princess.

But Disney apparently decided for her to fit the princess look Merida needed a new look.  My husband drew my attention to it over the weekend actually.  I didn’t think too much of it until I saw the image myself.  And I don’t like it, but not for the reason that most parents dislike it.

I don’t view her as the “feminist” of heroines.  And really to me all of these characters are just that, characters.  I don’t put too much stock in how a cartoon character looks or even behaves.  I have three daughters and they sure love their princesses.  Well, my youngest hasn’t seemed to find a favorite just yet.  My oldest loved Snow White, my middle is a Tinkerbell fanatic.  I don’t really look at any of these characters as life teachers for my kids.  My job as their parent is to make sure they understand the difference between reality and fiction.  And cartoons don’t really get much more fiction.  I mean come on now, who has ever seen a talking mouse.

So I don’t make too much out of Disney movies.  Sure there is a lesson to be learned in the story, but that lesson isn’t found in the drawn lines in the cartoon characters, it’s found in the story plot and the words that are said.

My issue with the makeover of Merida is it just makes her lose all meaning to the movie now.  I mean sure you can be beautiful and still be strong.  I mean come on people, you don’t have to be homely looking to be intelligent and strong.  There are plenty of amazingly drop dead gorgeous women out there who are very intelligent and strong.  So I certainly don’t think we should be giving the look of feminism a certain one size fits all look.  I mean that’s really kind of silly when you think about it, right?  We want equality, but beautiful women can’t be equal in the brains department to more plain women?  Seems like that’s creating more stereotypes for women.

However, at the same time if we’re looking at cartoon characters to give our daughter’s a sense of womanhood and what it means to be a woman, then I think we’re seriously failing them.  Merida’s change of appearance is unfortunate in that it just doesn’t fit her character’s personality not because of what it’s teaching our daughters.  If we’re relying on Disney movies to teach our daughters how to be a woman and what feminism is, then we have more problems than stereotypes and the idea that women have to be beautiful to be heard.  Or to be a princess you have to look a certain way.

It’s plain and simple.  Merida’s makeover is disappointing because it simply does not portray that tomboy headstrong look and attitude that is Merida.  It’s not because now our daughters don’t have a good strong feminist look to emulate out of a cartoon character.  It’s a cartoon.  It’s not like it’s possible to achieve the look of a cartoon character.

If we want to teach our young daughters to be equal, then we should lead by example.  We should learn to value ourselves and treat everyone around us as equals, including men.  Because we are our children’s first and most important teacher, not media and not Disney movies.

I’m all for media showing our girls what real women look like.  We know Barbie’s body imagine is unattainable and the average pant size of women in America is I believe 12.  So it’s nice that our daughters are understanding that women come in all shapes and sizes and we should be celebrated, but this is still our number one job as their parents to to teach them these things and instill the confidence to find beauty in their own skin.

I come from a generation where Jessica Rabbit was the unattainable body image of cartoons.  I knew she was ridiculously exaggerated and women don’t look like that; can’t look like that.  If I’m going to spend any time worrying about how women are portrayed it’s just not going to be through cartoons, plain and simple.  Because if I’m doing my job as a parent correctly, then my children know that cartoons are not real and my 5 year old won’t be putting any dynamite in bird seed to catch a bird.  And my daughters aren’t going to look at a fairy princess and think she has to look just like her.

But Disney, on the off chance you are reading this I do implore you to change back the look of Merida.  Not because I think she’s a feminist icon to teach our children what headstrong women look like, but because you had it right the first time.  Her original image suited her  character much better.

What do you think about the makeover of Merida from Brave?

Personalized Kids Name Labels

Do you have a kid who’s always losing her stuff?  Kidecals might just be the answer for that. You can label water bottles, clothes, books, toys, and even sports gear with fun kid friendly designs.  Kidecals are so durable.  They are dishwasher, washing machine AND dryer safe, and they don’t damage surfaces.

Waterproof Labels

Sharpies are fine for labeling things, if you want it to come off after a wash or two.  Kidecals are waterproof.  You want to label pool toys?  Not a problem with Kidecals.  No matter what you put them through they stay put and on many different surfaces too.

Fun Mustache Stickers

I don’t know what the deal with with the mustache trend, but it seems to be here to stay at least for now.  Kidecals is up on the latest trends and they even have these fun Partystache stickers to use as drink markers, and Mustache Chalkboard Stickers to easily label/organize anything in your pantry or craft room.

Chalkboard Labels

Chalkboard things are really coming back.  My kids want everything chalkboard now.  Almost seems vintage, but with kidecals they make some really pretty designs, and their chalkboard labels are super durable and can even go through the dishwasher!  This is perfect for organizing and labeling things that are going to change so you don’t have to print out new labels.  I’m thinking my clothing bins.  So I know if I’m saving stuff for summer or winter and for which child.

Daycare/School/Camp Labels

Daycare, preschool, or camp, everything has to be labeled.  And I do mean EVERYTHING.   This is no problem with Kidecals.  Label everything right down to your child’s socks with their durable daycare labels.  It’s fast and easy to do.

Kidecals was even recently seen on the Today Show.

I know my readers could really use something like this so I’m so happy I get to share this save 15% off Kidecals promo code with you.  Just use promo code: bestlabels.

Let me know how you like your Kidecals if you order them.

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I hope everyone had a very happy Mother’s Day yesterday.  I sure did.  I’m at a very interesting stage in motherhood I think.  I still have little ones, but I also have older ones who can pitch in and do more to surprise me on their own.  Then I still get the cute little homemade cards, but I also get store bought gifts.

I surprisingly managed to sleep in until almost 10 in the morning.  Don’t ask me how or why that happened because well sleeping until 9 is usually like heaven these days.  And that really only happens after I had a rough night with a sick kid or something and my husband decides to let me sleep in, so it’s not really like extra sleep, just grabbing the sleep I missed out on the night before.

When I got up I had breakfast made for me by my teenager.  Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and an English muffin with a glass of chocolate milk.  Then I got the gifts.  Some coloring pages from all the kids, including my 2 year old.  A card my son made in school and a cute tea cup cut out with a poem written on it and a tea bag inside.  My middle daughter gave me a plant she planted at school and my oldest gave me a frog wind chime.  Which I actually had to laugh about because I had seen this Peace Frogs wind chime that I was going to share on my oldest daughter’s FB wall as a suggestion for a Mother’s Day present.  Ultimately I decided not to because it was more than I wanted her spending on me anyways.  She didn’t get me the Peace Frogs one, but the one she got was cute and I actually like it better.  I just thought it was funny that she knew me well enough to know I would like that despite the fact that I have no wind chimes.

My husband had to work so he left, but was home in time to cook me dinner.  Manicotti.  He also got me flowers and a card.

I played outside with the kids and just really got to enjoy them without having to worry about getting other stuff done.  I just let all of the other stuff go and didn’t let it bother me.

It is different than Mother’s Days past.  In the beginning I had this vision of sort of a day off from parenting.  Silly and naive, I know.  Mother’s Day isn’t about getting a day off.  Because there are no days off when you’re a mother.  No matter how old your kids get you will always worry about them and you will always love them and you will always parent them.  Mother’s Day is a celebration of motherhood.  And it’s for us all.

While it’s nice to have a few of the things you do as a mom taken off your plate for the day, that’s not what it’s all about.  While it’s nice for the people in your life to acknowledge the things you do to make their life a little easier that’s not what it’s about either.  It’s not even about the gifts or the handmade cards.  It’s about the joys that motherhood brings and about embracing those joys.  That was the best gift of all.  Getting to enjoy my children and celebrate our family.

But the not having to cook or wash dishes and all of those homemade gifts and even the wind chime are just extra special bonuses and physical reminders of just how much my kids love me and how well they know me.  That’s pretty darn special.

How was your Mother’s Day?

But I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that our relationship has been strained over the years.  It is definitely not the relationship I want with my mother or I have chosen and it breaks my heart that we can’t find our way past this.

Because in spite of everything every day as I mother my own four children I am reminded of my mother.  I do hear her voice coming out of my mouth.  Sometimes I wonder, how would my mom have handled this situation if it were me?

My mom is the one who taught me how to advocate for my children’s education.  She was always there and she was fair.  She didn’t take me just at my word, but she also didn’t believe everything about me my teachers told her.  And because she was that fine example of an educationally minded parent I have been able to provide that same advocacy for my children and have found the courage to make the tough decisions because of what she taught me.

My mom, even while working full time, managed to cook delicious home cooked meals almost every night.  While also providing delicious home made treats as well.  I have been able to provide that for my children and bring them to the table with meals that they enjoy.

As my children get older and I begin to do more of the things that I remember doing with my mom (those special mother daughter times) I look back and remember those times I’ve had with my mother.  I think some day my daughters will be doing this with their daughters and I hope remembering our moments together bring a smile to their face while they are making memories with their own kids like it does mine.

Even though things are strained between me and my mom right now that doesn’t change the fact that she is a huge part of me every single day of my life.  I hope things improve sooner rather than later so we can continue to write our story, but in spite of everything I know how truly blessed I am to have had a mother who made me me and the mother that I am.  I couldn’t have done it without you mom!  I love you!