Have you ever looked at your kids and had to do a double take? Because they are just growing so fast and you can’t believe your eyes. The older my kids get the more moments I have where I have to stop and catch my breath. They are just growing so fast. They are changing in so many ways. And it’s astonishing and I must admit a little scary.
Because then I start to think in less than 5 years my oldest will be officially an adult. Seriously, how is that even possible? I just really don’t know anymore. And the funny thing is my oldest is almost as tall as I am, she wears the same shoe size as me, you would think with all of that this wouldn’t be such a shock, but yet it still shocks me sometimes when I look at her.
Same thing with my middle daughter, although not as often yet. However, seeing her take on responsibility and take care of younger children I know she is really hot on her sister’s heels. That those flashes of her as an adult will come more and more often. And really it makes me just want to grab them and hold on tight.
Seeing My Daughters In A Different Light
This weekend my oldest daughter (who’s 13) was given some clothes to try on from our neighbor. She had put on this pullover and walked out into the living room and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was just a silly sweatshirt, but it was just accentuating her in a different way. Those new curves that are slowly making an appearance on her that she would rather they not. For a second there it was like she’s not a little girl anymore. Now I know why my mother burst into tears when she saw me in my prom dress when I was a Senior in high school. It’s just these moments where you see this child which you have taken care of and kissed boo boos for so many years is now a young woman. And you think to yourself when the heck did this happen?
My middle daughter was purchasing something at the store the other day. This is really nothing new lately now that she has some spending cash. She was at the self checker and I stood a few feet away from her while she counted out her money and placed it into the machine. A woman standing behind her waiting for her turn to go through the self checker and I was struck with this feeling of pride almost. My 10 year old daughter worked that self checker better than I have seen some adults do it. And she did it like she has been doing it all for years too. She didn’t need my help in counting out her change or scanning her items. Had I not been there she would have managed completely fine on her own. She did manage completely fine on her own.
Take Nothing For Granted
These are both such little things and I almost feel silly even talking about it. It’s important though. These moments where we get a glimpse of our child as an adult are reminders of how fast it goes and how we can’t take anything for granted. We can’t take for granted that our children know we love them. We have to say it out loud every single day. We can’t take for granted that they know that we are beaming with pride for them. We have to say it out loud every single day. We can’t take for granted that they know how beautiful and amazing they are. We have to say it out loud every single day.
As I sit here typing this my three oldest are in school and my youngest is laying here asleep next to me. It wasn’t that long ago that I was here with each of my older children. Now they spend upwards of 8 hours a day away from me. Sometimes it’s even more than that. Every moment has got to count. No regrets looking back.
I know I can do more and be more for each and every one of my children. And that starts now. I will not let them slip through my fingers. I only have this limited time with them and I want to know that I spent it giving them as much of me as I can. That I spent it building them up every second of every day and not tearing them down. And it’s even more important in the trying times with them to not make them seem like burdens to me. Because they are never burdens.
Motherhood is tough. I knew that going in. I might not have realized it in its entirety, but it’s no secret. And we always hear how fast kids grow too and it’s so true. I need to do better for my kids. I need to handle the stresses of motherhood in a better way. I needed this reminder that every day moving forward is just one day closer to them being out of the nest. And I want them to look back and see so much love when that day comes.
And I want them to read my words one day when I’m not around and know that I always believed in them and was in awe of each and every one of them for so many different reasons. My children are my everything and they need to know that now and forever. They need to know that even when I’m arguing with them over school work or chores that even in those moments when they seemingly frustrated me the most that they still meant the world to me. Even when they defied me that I have always loved them and always will. And I’m on a mission to make sure that this is always clear to them, starting with this post.
Have you been getting glimpses of your children as an adult? How does it make you feel?
wow, this is totally an eye opener for me. i feel guilty that sometimes I don’t get to spend that much “fun time” with my kids. i love how you said “I need to do better for my kids. I need to handle the stresses of motherhood in a better way.” this i will definitely do. sometimes,motherhood gets the best of us but those stressful moments shouldn’t make them feel that they are not loved or worth your time, right? thank you for sharing this. =)
No, I hate when my kids feel that I don’t have time for them. And I’ve explained to my older girls (since they do have moments when they need to ask me questions privately) that they can write down their question and we’ll set aside time because I can’t always drop what I’m doing, but I think I can do more. I kind of feel bad too that I didn’t come to this realization until this point because I feel like my older ones are getting the short end of the stick.