TFB is an acronym for The Feminist Breeder, a popular blogger, that it seems people either love or hate. Well, maybe hate is harsh because I wouldn’t say I hate her, but I will say I have zero respect for her.
I found her a little over a year ago. She writes relatively well. She puts forth a good story, but man does a lot of stuff happen to her. She’s really rather exhausting actually. And at some point you just have to say it’s just not possible that all of this stuff happens to her. At least not in the way she says it happens.
Her Latest Drama
So now the author of TFB, Gina Crosley-Corcoran , is alleging that a few months ago during a very stressful time in her life she turned to her support community on twitter and tweeted some things to them about feeling that she just couldn’t go on any longer. She calls the statements she made passively suicidal. And someone had the nerve to call the police on her from another state. And she almost landed in the hospital on a 72 hour hold and was completely violated and humiliated by having the police in her home watching her get dressed so they could bring her out to the waiting ambulance.
Apparently they sent out a mental health professional in the ambulance that night who was able to asses the situation and determine that Gina could be left in the custody of her husband and did not need to be brought to the hospital or admitted for a 72 hour hold. Lucky break that she ended up with the one paramedic on the planet who has the authority to make these calls.
She claims she never said anything about the situation at the time, because she couldn’t relive her horror, but she felt she had to share it now because she was in a place where she would normally talk to her twitter community, but couldn’t because of this whole incident. So she’s still so upset about it she had to get it out. All in the interest of helping others though.
What she ended up getting out was a story that completely calls out a person in Utah who calls and tattles on her, but while maybe they did it to be helpful it was more likely that she did it because she’s a troll.
Lets assume for a moment that everything Gina says is completely and totally true. That she was just passively suicidal and people should know that. That the police stood over her watching her get dressed. That the paramedic was capable of making psychological evaluations and would actually take on the responsibility and risk being sued if she did end up killing herself.
I actually kind of feel sorry for Gina that she lives with so much hate that she can’t even try to see the good in people. That she used her blog as sort of a witch hunt to try to find this caller. That she would be so self involved that she would have to make it out that anyone who would report someone for making the statements that she made is just evil and out to get you.
Because here’s the thing, that’s exactly what a lay person should do in this situation. I tried to explain to Gina that if this had been one of her children, and one of his friends failed to report it, I doubt she would have hugged the friend and said it’s okay I understand why you didn’t tell anyone. Especially if her child had harmed and or killed himself after making those statements that went unreported.
I tell my children all the time that if anyone says they are going to kill themselves then they must tell a guidance counselor or teacher at school. And you know what, I would expect that from them when they are grown too. Better to air on the side of caution. Hey, I took lots of psychology classes in college. I was sure that was going to be my major. Even still I don’t know that I have the right words to talk someone through suicidal thoughts. Especially not someone on the internet. Because how much do we really know about a person on the internet? So you better believe if one of my friends came to me and said I know this girl on the internet who said she doesn’t think she can go on anymore I would absolutely say you should call someone to do a welfare check on her.
Since many of the comments Gina was receiving were saying how awful that was and how this person did not mean well at all, I felt compelled to thank the caller. To let her know that not everyone feels she was out to harm. Because I am fearful that the next person who reads this story might second guess her instinct, not call, and things could end tragically. Who wants to be called out on some blog to thousands of people when they were just trying to do the right thing?
Of course Gina took exception to my thanking the caller, gave me a snide remark and then promptly banned me so I could not defend my position. Hence, why I am here.
So Gina, in case you were wondering what I thought about your comment here you go. I think you just proved that you don’t for one second believe that the person who called was being a good Samaritan. Your comment proves that. And I really truly feel for you that you live with that much hate that all you can see is someone being out to get you.
Honestly, if you can’t handle any sort of disagreement, then perhaps you shouldn’t be blogging anymore. It doesn’t sound like it’s a healthy venue for you. And you’re not helping anyone by creating a lynch mob for a person who might have been simply trying to prevent your family from experiencing the grief of losing a family member to suicide. Something that maybe the caller wishes someone had done for her family.
I won’t even go into why I think this story is overly exaggerated. I think it’s clear what I think. It honestly doesn’t even matter if the story played out exactly how it was shared or some less dramatic variation. You are doing no one a service with your blog. And you need to be accountable for the things that you do say.
It’s Not Fair
I get that it’s not fair that you get held to a different standard when you’re in the lime light. Especially a popular person in the lime light. People look to you for input and guidance in things. But you have to be mindful of your words. Layperson or not, you have to be mindful of what you say and how you say it.
A few years ago when I was coming to the end of my time as PTA president at my children’s school I was getting fed up with one of my children’s teachers. I naturally blogged about it and it was not received well. Other parents loved it and said right on, but teachers and staff in the school were talking about my blog.
I honestly wasn’t aware that so many people were aware of my blog. It was a family blog that I used to call out my child’s teacher. While I never used her name all of those who knew me knew exactly who I was talking about. I was frustrated with how things were going though and I felt this was my place to get it out. But my blog was public. The teacher caught wind of it. I got “spoken” to by some of the staff telling me that as PTA president I was not setting a good example for other parents in how to deal with these situations.
Now mind you I had been through countless meetings with the teacher. Things weren’t changing. My child was miserable. I was frustrated. I felt it was my right to say something. I still do to an extent believe that I was not entirely wrong for that because my volunteer work as PTA president does not come before the well being of my own children. They are first and foremost and I don’t generally think of myself as a role model for other parents, but in that position I was like it or not.
Ultimately, the blog post didn’t exactly help me because when I met with the teacher and the principal my blog post was used against me in that meeting where the teacher took each point I made and counter argued it. It didn’t matter how right I was. It didn’t matter that the principal knew me and knew that my reaction was likely out of frustration. He backed the teacher. It was then that I knew that I would not be asking for another out of district waiver to allow my child to remain in that school. It was then that I decided that I don’t want to be held to a different standard from any other parent. And it was then that I realized that being the PTA officer wasn’t worth all of that.
So my point is that if you write a blog to help people and it becomes too much, then you need to just take a step back from it. There is no shame in that. Your own mental health is more important than anything else. And really, when you have crossed the line to being harmful to others, which I do think this has, then you just need to stop.
I am more careful with what I say about my children’s education on the internet. I am more careful with my vents because I don’t want it to be misconstrued by another parent or by my children’s educators. I don’t want a parent to think that if you’re frustrated with a teacher just write about it on the internet for the world to see and to pat you on the back saying you did the right thing. Because there should always be open lines of communication between parent and teacher. And I most certainly don’t want to be sitting in a school conference room with the principal and my child’s teacher on one side of the table and my husband and I on the other side of the table bickering over words that were said out of anger and in the heat of the moment. Some things are just better done in private.
Much like chatting with people about your mental status. If you don’t have a local support group of girlfriends which you can call to talk about your mental status and the only place you have to talk about it is on the internet, out in open, in the public, then you need to accept the consequences of those actions. You might also want to figure out why it is that the only place you have friends is anonymous strangers on the internet.
Sometimes we have to take some culpability in the things that happen to us. That’s what we as grown ups do. Admit our mistakes and move on.
So I ask this of Gina, when will you admit your mistakes in things and move on? It might make you a little less bitter.