Did you know that yesterday was pregnancy and infant loss awareness day? Well, you should if you are a fan on my Facebook page. But in case you missed it yesterday I had asked people to light a candle at 7 p.m. last night in memory of those angel babies.
If you know me you know that my husband and I suffered the loss of a pregnancy at 20 weeks back in 2008. It was a surprise and unplanned pregnancy, but none the less a very wanted little baby. Losing her was absolutely devastating at the time. Here I am nearly 4 years later and I have come to terms with it, but not a day goes by that I don’t think of my angel baby. As thrilled as we are with our youngest the loss of this pregnancy has left us with a hole in our hearts.
We remember her every year on the anniversary of her dramatic delivery and tragic death on December 6th. We remember her again on April 22nd which was her due date. It’s also my oldest daughter’s birthday and I’m grateful for that because it’s a day of celebration and not just mourning. And then when these awareness days come up I always try to light a candle in remembrance of her.
It’s Not Enough
It’s not enough that our small family remembers her though. It means the world to me when someone outside of the six of us does something to remember her. And I wish more would.
Now I have heard people say they don’t want to make the grieving parent sad or cry by reminding her of the loss. While I can understand that thinking you should know you’re not reminding us of our baby that we lost. Believe me we did not forget. If we cry it’s because we are just so touched and overcome with emotion that YOU remembered. Trust me when I say you are not bringing up any old feelings. They are always there. We are always wondering what would have been? We are always thinking of what she would look like? We are always thinking who would she be most like? We are always looking at little children who would be about her age and wondering, would they be friends? It never ends. You are not reminding us of anything we aren’t probably already thinking about.
When I tell my husband we have to light a candle I don’t even have to say for what, he already knows. He knows because he’s thinking about it too. So remember that, it’s not just the woman’s loss. The father is carrying around the same sadness.
Those Who Remember Have Touched Me
It’s extremely humbling to know that these loses mean something to others. That people will light a candle for our angel baby. That people will say a little prayer. That people will say her name. That she is included in traditions which started with the loss of someone else’s baby.
Never forget and never be afraid to say you’re thinking of this loss. Being there when it happened is great, but continuing to be there is even better. Because the support of our friends and family needs to continue.
I am very blessed. I have so many friends who stood by me in the beginning. Friends who helped me through the loss. Walked me through things. Offered advice. And they are still standing by me saying, “I remember Celeste!”
And because I am very open and vocal about this loss (because I think it’s the only way to be in a situation like this) I have added new friends who support me. Friends who remember. Friends who light a candles. Friends who say a prayer. Friends who say her name. And Friends who send her name up into the heavens with me.
Celeste Alia born and ascended into heaven December 6, 2008. Gone, but never forgotten. She is loved by many and remembered by many.
Have you experienced an infant or pregnancy loss? Please feel free to share your story, I would love to remember your baby with you.