We are out numbered in our house 4-2 in the kid department. It would seemingly be easy for there to be a coup in our house where the children take over. Truth be told sometimes it does feel like as they get older there might be an attempt at this. I refuse to allow it to happen.
My teenager is very opinionated. This is a good thing, except when she’s going against my opinion. Just kidding, I encourage a different opinion except when she’s telling me that I’m parenting wrong. Yes, she even has opinions about how I handle her and her siblings. She has no interest in being a parent as I have tried to pass the responsibility to her, but she wants to be heard. Sometimes I wonder what happened to the little girl who would just say, “Yes mommy!” when I told her to do something.
It Is To Be Expected
She is a teenager, this is what they do. Begin to assert their independence. And you know I don’t feel she’s ready for the same independence she feels she’s ready for and there’s a power struggle. Add to that hormones and similar personalities and it makes for a relatively explosive situation.
Thankfully it’s only one of the four. Well, that’s not true, my middle daughter is beginning to question things too. So we have our own battles going on.
The older two do get more choices than the little ones. They get more say in their clothing choices. I still get final approval, but generally speaking they pick their clothes I pick the little ones clothes.
Hanging out with their friends is a little different. I still need to know where they are going and what they are doing, but I don’t always have to get them there.
Different Expectations
Not everything is based on age either. Each child has a different level of maturity. However, generally speaking one thing I can assure you that you will never see me traipsing all over town in search of a backpack or back to school supplies for any of my children. Not unless I was looking for a better deal. It wouldn’t be because my child didn’t like the selection there was at a certain store. Not if there was something perfectly appropriate and the right price where we were.
I absolutely do not give my four year old the power to drag me to 7 different stores looking for the right backpack or school supplies. That’s not to say he doesn’t get a choice. I show him two things I think he’ll like and say do you want Cars or Buzz? Blue or green? Big or little? This has been the case for all of my children.
Looking at my relationship with my oldest daughter now I can only imagine what things would have been like if we spent her entire life catering to her every whim. Driving all over the place looking for exactly what she wanted when she wanted. Because as with most teens it’s rare that we find the perfect thing.
Then I think what if I treated all of my children like that. That would be 3 very opinionated children telling me that they couldn’t find anything they wanted in one store. Four once my youngest begins to voice her opinion coherently. I would spend all of my time walking around on egg shells trying to please each and every child. And I would have created spoiled children who think the world owes them exactly what they want. And I refuse to live in a house like that.
We can’t always get exactly what we want. This is an important lesson to learn early on. Sure, I don’t want to see my child upset. I hate having them cry, but they need to know that the world does not revolve around them.
Nothing would ever be enough if we did this. I would never be able to give enough of myself to all of my children. They would never be content and satisfied with things. And life would be absolutely miserable not only for me and my husband, but for my children as well.
So in my house I will maintain control. Yes, I am at the mercy of schedules and times when my children are just less crabby. There are certain places I can’t go because I have children. But my life is not ruled by my children. This is no way to live.
Will you go to any lengths to keep your child from having a temper tantrum?
My kids are young but really close in age and I keep warning my hubby that we’ll have 2 teenagers at once:) Great post!
I dont have children yet and I DREAD going through the terrible twos and tantrums when I have them!! Great post though!
Not for nothing, but while my 18 month old has a scream that I swear could shatter glass sometimes it’s nothing in comparison to the fights my teen and I have. All of this stuff is to prepare you for the bigger battles to come I think
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I’m the head of household, but my 17 month old does try to challenge me on this. I know we’ve started the terrible twos a little early, but it’s not too bad. He usually realizes he is not going to get his way and then gives up and moves onto to playing happily in his play room. Fingers crossed he still knows I’m in charge when he is a teen, hehe.