Will The Real Bully Please Step Forward

Disclaimer: I am rating this post PG-13 for explicit language.  My posts normally would not consist of any swear words, but in this case to get my point across I have no choice.  The swears aren’t my words though.

Bullies are a terrible thing aren’t they?  But I think many times we can lose sight of who the real bully is.  Especially when we come into something late in the game.  But let me share some words with you that have been tossed around by the so called victims and the so called bully.  Lets see what actually constitutes a bully.

Deranged people, trolls, despicable, twisted followers, raging belligerent Douchebag, belligerent, assholes, toxic people, obnoxious, bitches, ass clowns, giant asshole, unstable, childish, ignorant.

Nice, right?  Now how does narcissist sound?  How about uneducated?  How about words like it’s okay to go to the hospital.  Your baby could be in distress, get to a hospital.  Take care of yourself and get to the hospital.  Several other comments along these lines made to a laboring woman attempting a HBAC (Home Birth After C-section).  How does that sound to you?

So Who’s The Bully?

Is the bully the ones who are hurling insulting swear words?  Is it the ones who are urging someone for her own safety to go seek medical help?  Looks pretty different when you get the whole picture, now doesn’t it.

These are all words taken directly from bloggers themselves.  Bloggers who claim to be a victim and bullied are throwing around words like Douchebag, assholes, bitches, ass clowns, giant asshole.  Those are the words they are using to describe their so called bullies.  And what warrants this?  Well, apparently calling someone a narcissist or uneducated.  And telling a sobbing laboring woman whose midwife left her alone that it’s okay to go to the hospital is bullying.

If the shoe fits, then I say wear it.  Lets look at the definition of a narcissist.  Here’s the definition of Narcissism according to Psych Central:

  Narcissism, in lay terms, basically means that a person is totally absorbed in self.

So let us say that a mommy blogger writes a post that is supposed to be about her child and her child’s accomplishments, but not for a narcissist.  That post suddenly turns into sharing all of mom’s accomplishments.  A post that should read like so these days my child is eating this and the milestones she has reached are walking and talking.  Sounds like a great gushing mommy post, right?  Well, the narcissist turns that post into and on this day my child accompanied me to do this for the very first time and made me the center of attention because she peacefully slept in my arms.

Then the other terrible awful bully accusation of being uneducated.  That’s pretty self explanatory.  And really if someone who has no formal education is portraying herself as an educated person when she’s not, then as I said if the shoe fits.

I’m not even going to touch on how telling someone to seek medical attention is bullying.  I can’t by any stretch of the imagination wrap my mind around that one.  Even if a woman says she has no intention of going to the hospital I can’t imagine how saying for your own safety and well being please seek help would be bullying.

The Great Blogger Bully Battle

I haven’t even gotten into what the comments are like on either side of the coin from these bloggers followers.  I will admit both sides can get vicious when pushed, but the comments coming out of the victim corner sure do resonate loudly.  And it’s not a wonder that the so called bully has to turn to another forum to get her point across because these particular always the victim bloggers only allow comments that say, “You are right on!  Those people are big meanie heads.”  However, the so called bullies allow everyone to have a voice on their blog.  It doesn’t matter if they come there and call the writer the biggest moron to ever walk the planet, that is allowed to stand.

Do you know what is happening on those bullies blogs?  Interesting debate is what’s happening there!  Do you know what’s happening on the always the victim blogs?  A whole lot of validation of that blogger.

I don’t know about you, but for me when I see a hot button topic I want to hear all sides of the argument and I want to make up my own mind about who’s right and who’s wrong.  I don’t want to be told what to think.  And isn’t that the biggest problem of all?  It’s not that these bloggers who are the perpetual victim are being bullied, it’s that they are afraid that people will begin to see them for what they are.  Narcissistic and uneducated!  A chord has been struck and they want to cover up any evidence they can.

I Am Not A Sheeple

I will not be told what to think and when to think it.  If I think you’re wrong I’ll tell you as much.  I will do it in the politest way I possibly can, but you know what?  That just might mean me telling you that your opinion is absurd and inaccurate.  Does that mean that I think you are those things?  Probably not.  I can read things and I can disagree with them.  And when you start talking about hot button issues like abortion and rights there are going to be strong feelings on both sides.

If you truly believe in what you are saying, then allowing differing view points to speak is ideal.  If you lose some readers because of something  someone else says to sway them to the other side, then you probably never really had them to begin with.

Don’t tell me who I can and cannot like!  Don’t tell me I am unintelligent because I agree with what someone you don’t like says!  Don’t call me deranged because of who I associate with!  Don’t question my sanity or my status as an adult based on a side I take in an argument!  Just like you like to say people don’t know you, it works both ways.  You don’t know me.  You don’t know that person YOU are cutting down for only your “deemed worthy of commenting people” to praise and comment about.

I read this stuff all the time.  Constantly, people crying oh the trolls they are so relentless with me.  It’s so terrible.  They are so mean to me.  And everyone just falls in line having no idea what exactly is being discussed.  A totally cryptic comment and suddenly this blogger is getting the validation she craves so much.  Everyone hates a bully, so mere mention of bully or someone being mean sends people into a frenzy.  It doesn’t matter if a comment is left correcting some misinformation a blogger has written.  If the blogger perceives you as making her look bad, then she just cries bully or troll and gets everyone to rally around her.

This Is Not To Say Internet Bullies Don’t Exist

I know that internet bullies really truly do exist.  And while the victims in this case certainly sound an awful lot like bullies, and to an extent they really are, there are much much worse situations out there.  There are bullies out there making actual threats on people’s lives and on their families.  That is scary stuff and that is a problem.

This however is not even close to that level.  And when these people cry bully it’s like crying wolf.  Eventually the whistle blower is going to get herself into a truly hairy situation and no one is going to believe her.  Well, no one that matters will believe her.  This also makes it that much harder for those who are being truly tormented to get someone to take her seriously.

So lets save the word bully for the times that it truly applies.  And if you’re a blogger and can’t tell the difference between a differing opinion and bullying, then get out of the blogging business.  If you are a blogger and write purposefully inflamed posts, then be prepared for the outcome which just might be some angry people.  It’s great that you have passion for your beliefs and your views, but do not be surprised when someone has the same passion for their own beliefs and views.  Have an open mind.  I am reminded of a quote from Aristotle:

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Lets entertain those different points of view.  Lets debate.  Lets discuss.  Lets be adults.  Stop crying bully and writing stuff filled with name calling all in the name of standing up to the bullies.  Because honestly that’s counterproductive.

When a child who spends years being bullied in school goes into school and shoots up the school we do not say that’s the answer.  Even if he fires back with his own insults that is not how we want our children to handle bullies.  It’s not eye for an eye justice that’s going to help improve these matters.  Tolerance and respect is the name of the game here and if you refuse to hear out anyone who has a different opinion then you don’t have tolerance or respect.

So who is the real bully after all?

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Comments

  1. I think that this is something that happens quite often. Some bloggers welcome debates on their posts. I would never delete a comment that differed in views from mine, but if someone did come and just post insults or something completely offensive, it may be deleted. Yet, if someone came to my blog and commented on a post with other information or a different opinion, I would read it and probably even counter back with my own information. I would probably debate it, and then agree to disagree–as there are somethings that people feel so passionately about that they will never be able to come to an agreement on the issue. I think, as adults, we should be open to debates and differing opinions. Throwing insults and hurtful words around is childish and does not accomplish anything. Would I want my children to handle differing opinions that way? No way! So, I try to be an example to them that we talk about things, discuss them, and if we can’t agree–we agree to disagree and move on. I also know the troll term is thrown around a lot in the /forum world, and while there are plenty of trolls, not everyone with a different opinion is a troll. Thanks for the post.

    • Exactly, if you are writing a post about bullies and calling them all sorts of vile names, then aren’t you just engaging in the bullying behavior yourself? What’s worse is when someone questions them. Well, where is this post where they said all of these mean things to you and their response is well I’m not telling you because that’s what they want is more traffic to their site. Mmmm-k well am I supposed to just take you are your word? The only thing you come up with in your post that’s riddled with insults against the other party is that she called you a narcissist? Oh but hey everyone else here knows what I’m talking about so I guess you’ll just have to believe me. Is it that they know what you’re talking about or that it’s a handful of carefully selected comments that are hi fiving you even though they have no idea where this all started or what was said? It’s very childish and it’s not how we expect our children to deal with conflict resolution.

      My four year old son has been getting hit by another boy at school. I asked him if he told the teacher. He tells me no, so I tell him you need to talk to the teacher. I have also since spoken to the teacher who is going to keep a closer eye on things so she can let me know if there’s anything my son might be doing to instigate things that we need to work on. But I have discussed with him the importance of sharing and using our words to express ourselves.

      My 10 year old comes home from school with conflict daily. We discuss what is being said and what her response is to people. I always tell her to try to look at things from everyone’s point of view. How does doing this make that one feel and it doesn’t matter what mean words are said to you by someone we never strike back in a mean way. Kill them with kindness is a great way to deal with it, but the old sticks and stones may break your bones, but names will never hurt me always comes to mind. I get that constant name calling begins to wear on a person, but I always always always encourage my children to talk it out with other adults, with their peers. Never stoop to their level though because that does not make you any better than they are. I just hate to see people saying oh you’re so strong and brave for dealing with these things in a manner that does not resolve anything.

  2. Rachel says:

    “When an honest man is shown to be mistaken, he either ceases being mistaken, or ceases being honest.” – Mark Twain (I think)

  3. I think that this is a great article! I agree with you in a lot of ways. Things can get easily out of hand online!!

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